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Array ( [sid] => 110863 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => VOICES [time] => 2005-12-03 21:27:02 [hometext] => [bodytext] => I sit here and stare
Alone in my chair
Looking so very deep
My mind unable to even sleep

Insomnia playing tricks again
Black eyes producing maximum pain
Searching heart, feeling beat
Burning flesh, thumping feet

Head spinning, voices ringing
Images, veiled before my eyes
Light tears falling, no disguise
Sensing the light
Still willing to fight

Voices are longer
Weilding force ever stronger

Need to stop, razor atop
Bloodied flow
Warm sharp pain
Pulsating vein

As the flow turns to red
Praying soon, i'll be dead...

[comments] => 5 [counter] => 260 [topic] => 36 [informant] => silent [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )

VOICES

Contributed by silent on Saturday, 3rd December 2005 @ 09:27:02 PM in AEST
Topic: Suicide

I sit here and stare
Alone in my chair
Looking so very deep
My mind unable to even sleep

Insomnia playing tricks again
Black eyes producing maximum pain
Searching heart, feeling beat
Burning flesh, thumping feet

Head spinning, voices ringing
Images, veiled before my eyes
Light tears falling, no disguise
Sensing the light
Still willing to fight

Voices are longer
Weilding force ever stronger

Need to stop, razor atop
Bloodied flow
Warm sharp pain
Pulsating vein

As the flow turns to red
Praying soon, i'll be dead...

Copyright © silent ... [ 2005-12-03 21:27:02]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: VOICES (User Rating: 1 )
by MajesticPoet on Saturday, 3rd December 2005 @ 10:02:56 PM AEST
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Good write. Emotion flows. But remember death is never the answer. It is the way out of one problem only to cause more heartache in its place.. Great emotion though..

MaJ

Re: VOICES (User Rating: 1 )
by weepingprophet on Sunday, 4th December 2005 @ 12:32:40 AM AEST
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I enjoyed the flow until the fifth stanza when i felt there was a breach.
"Need to stop, razor atop.
bloodied flow
warm sharp pain
pulsating vein."

It is a beautiful image you're depicting here but i think that the line "bloodied flow", though it produces feeling and is a good line, disrupts the rest of the piece.
perhaps to keep the same idea and the consistency in rythm and flow you could change it to something like " Need to stop, razor atop.
bloodied pain
sharp from my pulsating vein." or "warm from my pulsating vein." so you keep your original words but place them differently.
I enjoyed the read!

~there is a sickness far more brutal than leprosy, it ensures fatality and remains blind to its own thalidomide presence-to its victims this sickness is known as love~weepingprophet

Re: VOICES (User Rating: 1 )
by Shattered_soul on Sunday, 4th December 2005 @ 01:20:07 AM AEST
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MY GOD, me too...

Re: VOICES (User Rating: 1 )
by outlaw_mutiny on Friday, 9th December 2005 @ 08:35:13 PM AEST
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voices huh

Re: VOICES (User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on Thursday, 27th April 2006 @ 10:05:21 PM AEST
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there's much to be said within these few lines..
and a very ominous final stanza.. indeed-

B

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