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Array ( [sid] => 109605 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => I Want To Scream [time] => 2005-11-12 19:17:10 [hometext] => I just finished this. Please review this and my other most recent poem. [bodytext] => You call me names
I feel so dumb
You hit me
I feel so numb
You ignore me completely
I feel invisible everyday
You leave my skin bruised
I start to fade away
When you see my bruises
You avoid me
Because the way I look
Do you dare hit me again
Do you want to avoid me some more
I'm so sick of my life
I could freak you out some more
Show you my sliced arms
The way I cope
Wanna try me again
Apologize
Apologize
Someone help me
I think I'm going crazy
Can't you see
I need something
I need it bad
I'm afraid I may never get it
Someone please help me
I want to scream
You deadbeat
You stuck-up girls
Notice the real me
For the first time
See my pain
Feel my ache
I'll never be the same. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 239 [topic] => 6 [informant] => flamingblade [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AngryPoetry )

I Want To Scream

Contributed by flamingblade on Saturday, 12th November 2005 @ 07:17:10 PM in AEST
Topic: AngryPoetry

You call me names
I feel so dumb
You hit me
I feel so numb
You ignore me completely
I feel invisible everyday
You leave my skin bruised
I start to fade away
When you see my bruises
You avoid me
Because the way I look
Do you dare hit me again
Do you want to avoid me some more
I'm so sick of my life
I could freak you out some more
Show you my sliced arms
The way I cope
Wanna try me again
Apologize
Apologize
Someone help me
I think I'm going crazy
Can't you see
I need something
I need it bad
I'm afraid I may never get it
Someone please help me
I want to scream
You deadbeat
You stuck-up girls
Notice the real me
For the first time
See my pain
Feel my ache
I'll never be the same.

Copyright © flamingblade ... [ 2005-11-12 19:17:10]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: I Want To Scream (User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on Saturday, 12th November 2005 @ 11:22:05 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Definitely a reservoir of pain from which your writing comes, and I'm sad to see it. I hope things will improve for you.

Stylistically, this was direct and strong, but perhaps it could be improved by being expressed in a more indirect way, such as though images. Directness like this feels like it comes from you, but evocative images have a way of making the reader feel the emotion on a personal level. Practice is the only real key, though. Keep it up.

Andrew

Re: I Want To Scream (User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on Thursday, 17th November 2005 @ 06:47:07 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

You expreessed your pain well. May your sorrow fade.
Take care.
David

Re: I Want To Scream (User Rating: 1 )
by Drapes on Friday, 13th January 2006 @ 09:50:33 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Great write, you really put me in the mood.
I hope things get better for you.
Lots of love,
Drapes

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