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Array ( [sid] => 108727 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Urgent Questions [time] => 2005-10-29 21:49:04 [hometext] => I wrote this today. I hope you guys review. [bodytext] => Can anyone help me?
I feel so empty.
Like a shell
Or a broken bell.

Does anyone see me?
Or am I completely invisible?
Walking through these halls.
People looking at me like I'm a wall.

Does anyone feel like me?
I feel so light.
Like a feather floating high.
So high in the sky.

Nobody understands me!
How can I go on?!
I can't stand this cold, heartless world
While I'm all alone.

Why?!Why?!
How could you do this to me?!
Take my whole world!
To be without Andrew is to die!

I dare you to try and make me pray!
You detroyed me that day!
That you took my twin brother!
You even took the sanity from my mother!

I think i'm going insane!
I feel like I have no brain!

Oh,my!I'm going to die!
I'll slice and dice my own skin!
I'll never let you win!
How dare you try and make me believe!

Please, help me!
I need help!
Can't anyone see?
What is wrong with me?!

Am I really invisible?
Or empty? Or anything else?
I hurt so bad!
I'm a sad, pitiful girl.

And to my dear Andrew,
I'm so sorry.
I've been a bad sister.
So the Alex you is no more.

So now I try and talk to the dead.
I want to know how much they bled.
After all, doesn't your soul bleed?
When you lose someone so close?

Please, can anyone help me?
Help me to be the real me?
[comments] => 4 [counter] => 154 [topic] => 61 [informant] => flamingblade [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )

Urgent Questions

Contributed by flamingblade on Saturday, 29th October 2005 @ 09:49:04 PM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles

Can anyone help me?
I feel so empty.
Like a shell
Or a broken bell.

Does anyone see me?
Or am I completely invisible?
Walking through these halls.
People looking at me like I'm a wall.

Does anyone feel like me?
I feel so light.
Like a feather floating high.
So high in the sky.

Nobody understands me!
How can I go on?!
I can't stand this cold, heartless world
While I'm all alone.

Why?!Why?!
How could you do this to me?!
Take my whole world!
To be without Andrew is to die!

I dare you to try and make me pray!
You detroyed me that day!
That you took my twin brother!
You even took the sanity from my mother!

I think i'm going insane!
I feel like I have no brain!

Oh,my!I'm going to die!
I'll slice and dice my own skin!
I'll never let you win!
How dare you try and make me believe!

Please, help me!
I need help!
Can't anyone see?
What is wrong with me?!

Am I really invisible?
Or empty? Or anything else?
I hurt so bad!
I'm a sad, pitiful girl.

And to my dear Andrew,
I'm so sorry.
I've been a bad sister.
So the Alex you is no more.

So now I try and talk to the dead.
I want to know how much they bled.
After all, doesn't your soul bleed?
When you lose someone so close?

Please, can anyone help me?
Help me to be the real me?

Copyright © flamingblade ... [ 2005-10-29 21:49:04]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Urgent Questions (User Rating: 1 )
by EsotericWsdm4 on Saturday, 29th October 2005 @ 10:18:34 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Wow...how real is this poem? Are you really cutting? I used to cut, not because I wanted to die = I never cut deeply, just enough to see myself bleed. Somehow that fascinated me and physical pain is almost always easier to handle than emotional pain. BUT there are better ways to cope...cutting doesn't solve anything EVER!

If it's really that bad you may want to consider seeing a doctor - you may have a chemical imbalance. In which case you will never be able to be happy no matter how hard you try. If not, there are other options such as cognitive thought therapy.

You don't have to live this way, you just have to be brave enough to go get help.

Re: Urgent Questions (User Rating: 1 )
by FLJFAA on Saturday, 29th October 2005 @ 11:47:32 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I think most of us have felt like that more then once in our lives. The best advice I could give you is always to write it out. Write what ever you're feeling. I know that's always helped me

Re: Urgent Questions (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Sunday, 30th October 2005 @ 12:01:30 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

can someone help you? yes. you are what you tell yourself and believe. this was a good piece, and i think even with some revisions it would be better with axing some unnecessary lines.

Re: Urgent Questions (User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on Sunday, 30th October 2005 @ 12:09:03 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Well, I do think this was a pretty good job.

From a critical point of view, you could improve it by a: not mixing lines on how you feel with lines on sensory imagery quite so much (it feels like it goes back and forth from your own words to pictures - I find the pictures most poetic, and commend you for using them, but they're a bit fragmented as they are), b: perhaps drawing out a metaphor, something that, the closer we look at it through the poem, the more illustrative it is of your feelings, and c: don't use quite so much punctuation. Exclamation points are best left out in poetry, because the words should convey the power by and large without having to rely on notations for what our tone should sound like.

Keep it up, and I hope things go well with you. Hard times present us with good things if we can only see them through. They really do.

Andrew
( some other Andrew, that is...)

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