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Thoughts of You
Contributed by
tdp
on
Wednesday, 19th October 2005 @ 10:56:11 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
I was just wondering if you could possibly look at me the way I look at you,
and see me as beautiful
the way I look at you.
I was just wondering if you could see me as the person who takes away your troubles and makes you feel whole.
I was wondering if just for one night you could cease my curiosity and quench my thirst
See if passion exists
If we actually let it overflow
Hold each other a little longer
Pull me to your bones
I was just wondering what it would be like to feel your kiss on my lips and hands on my breasts
Or
Do you just look at me with that nothingness that haunts your soul?
That dreadful emptiness that I despise that causes you to push me to the side.
Am I just like the rest – one more eager soul hoping to save you, wondering what it would be like to feel the real you?
I know better then them
Knowing the truth damn well, that only one girl really knew you.
I don’t want to be her, for I could never live a life trying to prove, plea, change, or, fight.
But, I’m just wondering do you too, think about this one passionate night?
Copyright ©
tdp
... [
2005-10-19 22:56:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Thoughts of You
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 19th October 2005 @ 11:40:54 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Hmmm...I admit, the sloppy look to this poem normally would've scared me away, but your thoughts pulled me in. I am finding myself in a very similar situation these days. You expressed yourself well here, but maybe in the future, try to tighten up your lines a little. It'll make your poem more pleasing to the eye, and do your words more justice.
Good luck on the love front : )
Scorp. |
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