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Array
(
[sid] => 107705
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Enough
[time] => 2005-10-14 07:50:23
[hometext] => There has been a lot of upheaval in my life recently, a lot of change. While it has brought good things, it has also reawakened some not-so-good things too. Still, in self-reflection comes clarity.
[bodytext] => Enough How many times does a human being fall in love? And I don’t mean fall in lust, or into an obsession or infatuation, Scratching a vague itch. I mean marrow deep, soul-sucking, lose your sense of up and down love. The kind that leaves you shuddering and giddy. Because once can’t be enough. Can it? Is that all that I get? One stupid roll of the dice… Eight Six SNAKE EYES! When I didn’t even know how to pay attention to the roll? I was just learning the steps, Because of course, there’s no manual, No numbered directions on how to do this or that, Or what to expect. No ‘do-over’, delete, cut, erase. No help desk for when you **** it up. What kind of a raw deal is that? I need a place to tuck my feet in at night, Someone who knows how I take my tea, Why I hold my breath. I need to be able to come home and exhale and know , That someone thinks that I matter. Someone who wants me for me, Embraceable, fallible me. Not because I’m convenient and ‘nice’. I read the terms and conditions And this wasn’t in the small print. I want to steep my soul in someone else’s I want to have my insides poured out Hot and aching and alive. Because I never knew it would be that short. I should have stored it up, canned it, Laid in reserves for this bitter lonely winter. Once can’t be it. Because I’m afraid that if I can’t let go, If I can’t jump off that cliff and have someone there to catch me, Someone who will just know when I leap, That I’ll cease to be. I’ll live in black and white. No more stereo, no sweet music 33 ½ inch vinyl, obsolete, with no needle to play me. You can’t expect me not to crave that, you can’t. Because now that I know how it tastes, How it sits with you, lingers, sweet and filling and oh-so-sustaining. You can’t really think that I can walk this alone, I need a co-pilot, a navigator, a keeper. I was Wonder Woman. I could fly. So once just can’t be enough. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 277 [topic] => 61 [informant] => Loende [notes] => mod 9 Bleep word 10/14/05 Please bleep the whole word. Thanks [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 37 [ratings] => 8 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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