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Array
(
[sid] => 107185
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => confusion
[time] => 2005-10-06 06:23:32
[hometext] => i know its not great but this is whats on my mind and comments are appreciated
[bodytext] => the past has come to get me i wish it away with all my might but without any help i fear it is the end of everything i try so hard but not hard enough i have a problem that i cant handle im lost with it but lost without it nothing but raw emotion pours into this and my mind wanders drugs have goten to me the booze kills me ever so slowly i need help but not willing to accept it i thought of suicide but i've heard "no" not only from me but from others im a slacker and nothing more i try to be funny to hide the confusion but i cant do it much longer life is getting better but not fast enough this makes no sense to you but why does it need to? i make my decisions not you i always turn on the ones i love never because i want to but because i have to i push people away to make myself feel better i know its wrong but i cant help it i write as if im lost but i know who i am i am a survivor plain and simple i want to end it all but i fear the future with her and with myself i have nothing and everything im an empty vessle ready for something new if i knew more about me things would change but im lost in myself with no way out things are bad there's no doubt i get lost in my thoughts without help im confused and too stuburn too stuburn to accept help from people from people who could help me [comments] => 1 [counter] => 179 [topic] => 48 [informant] => m_p_w777 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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