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Array ( [sid] => 106958 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Its close enough [time] => 2005-10-02 21:48:10 [hometext] => please comment let me know what you think [bodytext] => Use my heart as your weapon
Take my soul asyour freedom
Use your honestly as deception
And all your ways as your reason
Its close enough

Use my fairness as exposure
And use my tears to cleanse your sin
Use your plane ticket as your closure
And my wreckage as your defense
ITs close enough

Use your anger to hide emotion
And bring your love to an end
Forget my sadness and devotion
If it makes it easier to pretend
Its close enough

Take your women as your beauty
And your drink at your crutch
Use my love as your furry
just use my love
If its close enough. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 201 [topic] => 43 [informant] => pisces101 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

Its close enough

Contributed by pisces101 on Sunday, 2nd October 2005 @ 09:48:10 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

Use my heart as your weapon
Take my soul asyour freedom
Use your honestly as deception
And all your ways as your reason
Its close enough

Use my fairness as exposure
And use my tears to cleanse your sin
Use your plane ticket as your closure
And my wreckage as your defense
ITs close enough

Use your anger to hide emotion
And bring your love to an end
Forget my sadness and devotion
If it makes it easier to pretend
Its close enough

Take your women as your beauty
And your drink at your crutch
Use my love as your furry
just use my love
If its close enough.

Copyright © pisces101 ... [ 2005-10-02 21:48:10]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Its close enough (User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on Sunday, 2nd October 2005 @ 09:52:49 PM AEST
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This is a good write.

You must really be in love, your words show desparation and yearning.

Re: Its close enough (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Sunday, 2nd October 2005 @ 09:55:30 PM AEST
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i think it's important to get the funamentals of grammar down, especially when you repeat the same word over and over in a poem, to only have it wrong. it is it's for future reference. i liked everything except for the last stanza concept wise. for you last stanza i liked how the line preceding the last flowed into your last line, to make it somewhat better. your other stanzas didnt have that, which made the last line stand out, but also made it seem distant. nice rhymes also, but the grammatical error and other typo in here just overshadows all of this for me.

Re: Its close enough (User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on Monday, 3rd October 2005 @ 10:25:37 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

well, i think the last stanza holds great power but the over use of the same words punished the overall power, maybe if the first and last stanzas linked, but the ones in the middle had some more depth in the story, could be better could be worse, *shrugs*

~Clark

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