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Array
(
[sid] => 106120
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => No One Knows
[time] => 2005-09-21 00:08:35
[hometext] => thoughts in my head.
[bodytext] => no one knows just how i feel inside. no one would even miss me, i have no purpose. no one can even begin to feel the hurt in my failing heart. year after year i only get worse, why cant i ever move forward. no one would care, it would just be a relief if i wasnt here. i know you are broken inside, and im sorry you have to deal with me. i see it in there eyes, no one can put there finger on me. i dont even know who i am, i am composed of all these lies. time never seems to progress in my head, my mind doesnt learn. depression is all i know, im probably clinically ***** up beyond repair. my smiles, they are synthetic... i cant recall my last real laugh. sweaty palms and wondering eyes, im only safe when im alone. no one can comprehend what i try to convey. i am the pecilular one, sometimes i wonder and ask god why. if i was only half as confident as them, if only i could learn. they stand so straight, but here i am hunched over. talkative, what do they all talk about?...things i will never know. no one will ever have anything to ramble on to me about. not even the doctors could diagnose my disease. no one could ever relate to all the downer thoughts in my head. look where i am, failing...with nothing and nobody. i wonder what success feels like, its something i have never felt. to get a compliment, or a congratulations would feel nice. if i could only do something with my life and evolve..my failures are just too great. they say to do something useful and meaningful. to expand your mind, and to do something worthwile. no one will ever know how much i suffer, just how much i go through. people say suicide is the easy way, but this life must suffice. she tells me to be strong and continue, and i think that i will. but no one will ever know the things my head thinks of. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 247 [topic] => 48 [informant] => frmpoison2static [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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