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Array ( [sid] => 104628 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Thaw [time] => 2005-08-29 18:00:59 [hometext] => [bodytext] => This frost
an aura surround
ice encases me

so cold to touch
chilling breath
these glass sheets

a mirror
reflection admits
a crystal cavern

gems glowing
beading with sun
transfixed by hail

strong barrier
one enemy
winter is power

so harsh
but beautiful
peacefulness

overwhelming quiet
against the white
reflecting silver

a dim lit world [comments] => 2 [counter] => 143 [topic] => 43 [informant] => Vampire_Slander [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

Thaw

Contributed by Vampire_Slander on Monday, 29th August 2005 @ 06:00:59 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

This frost
an aura surround
ice encases me

so cold to touch
chilling breath
these glass sheets

a mirror
reflection admits
a crystal cavern

gems glowing
beading with sun
transfixed by hail

strong barrier
one enemy
winter is power

so harsh
but beautiful
peacefulness

overwhelming quiet
against the white
reflecting silver

a dim lit world

Copyright © Vampire_Slander ... [ 2005-08-29 18:00:59]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Thaw (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 29th August 2005 @ 06:12:24 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I appreciate the level of accuracy here, in depicting various aspects of winter, especially in the twilight of my summer. It brings me closer to the 'overwhelming quiet', which I expect everyone (or anyone who perhaps doesn't live in a city) would recognise and associate with winter.

However, i'm not quite sure that 'dim' is the most accurate word for encompassing the world you're trying to culminate at the end between the overwhelming quiet. I would expect that 'frost-lit' or perhaps 'spark-lit' would be more interesting, and of course, prove more vivid insofar as abstract (the moon?) silver/glittering reflections (which I perceive here) are concerned.

Nice to look at.
Keep writing,

N_F

Re: Thaw (User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on Tuesday, 30th August 2005 @ 01:08:29 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

wow i am amze..

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