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Array ( [sid] => 104086 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Required Element. [time] => 2005-08-21 16:13:45 [hometext] => Criticism and comments are exceeding welcome... This is a somewhat personal poem, and I'd like to see people's opinions of how I portrayed it. [bodytext] => Listening skills burnt out, to ashes,
I see your words constantly.
They peruse my veins;
this false-hope-high
reaches mind-blowing contamination count in seconds,
but the antibodies never fight back.

Love is in the blood;
slice and dice
(oh, honey, dinner's ready.)
But nothing burns,
because Passion was killed one night;
a hit-and-run; left for "better" things (or places)
in its ditch of humanity,
where dinner together is the most interaction we've seen in weeks.

A flash flood killed the forest fire,
or at least that's what they say.
You told me that you loved me,
then thinking, added, "For today."

Distances, differences, never exist
unless flying times collide,
air dying beneath their wings as we,
the travelers, gasp for failing oxygen.
Sometimes, these human lungs
just need more than this;

this constant complaint
of lack of connection,
commitment dying beneath blueberry skies
where true love has decided
to just up and leave.

And the disease screams in the blood
as our paths cross-collide,
planes sinking through unseen thoughts,
burning; slow-death.
And the antibodies refuse to move,
thought-processes slowing,
individual minds and lungs aching for their particular oxygen.

Mine was you. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 153 [topic] => 22 [informant] => _myonlyone_ [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LostLove )

Required Element.

Contributed by _myonlyone_ on Sunday, 21st August 2005 @ 04:13:45 PM in AEST
Topic: LostLove

Listening skills burnt out, to ashes,
I see your words constantly.
They peruse my veins;
this false-hope-high
reaches mind-blowing contamination count in seconds,
but the antibodies never fight back.

Love is in the blood;
slice and dice
(oh, honey, dinner's ready.)
But nothing burns,
because Passion was killed one night;
a hit-and-run; left for "better" things (or places)
in its ditch of humanity,
where dinner together is the most interaction we've seen in weeks.

A flash flood killed the forest fire,
or at least that's what they say.
You told me that you loved me,
then thinking, added, "For today."

Distances, differences, never exist
unless flying times collide,
air dying beneath their wings as we,
the travelers, gasp for failing oxygen.
Sometimes, these human lungs
just need more than this;

this constant complaint
of lack of connection,
commitment dying beneath blueberry skies
where true love has decided
to just up and leave.

And the disease screams in the blood
as our paths cross-collide,
planes sinking through unseen thoughts,
burning; slow-death.
And the antibodies refuse to move,
thought-processes slowing,
individual minds and lungs aching for their particular oxygen.

Mine was you.

Copyright © _myonlyone_ ... [ 2005-08-21 16:13:45]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Required Element. (User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on Sunday, 21st August 2005 @ 04:41:40 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Grooviness. The first stanza really hit it off and the rest of the poem gathered the rhythm well to the end. The last line was definately the best part. It gives the work that special closing that all poems need. Good write! (^_^)b

Re: Required Element. (User Rating: 1 )
by weepingprophet on Sunday, 21st August 2005 @ 10:20:14 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Beautiful, it is a masterpeice. your dedication to the outcome of this write spills over and the passion in it, subtle enough to exist but strong enough to control and influence. You described a metaphorical emotional journey which we as the readers will all take a different moral from. For me this peice was more than love and that roller coaster it was every human interaction, our self-reliance vs. our co dependancy. This write was wonderfully explained and depicted!

~forgiveness is the grace you beg for when you say, "no i promise, i love you."Weepingprophet

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