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Array
(
[sid] => 103801
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => take what you can by dylan kellogg
[time] => 2005-08-18 01:55:46
[hometext] => this is my first poem my name is dylan kellogg im 14 years old and just want to see what people think please email me to say how u liked it at dylan_kellogg@hotmail.com
[bodytext] => some times you hate this world some times you love it but one day it will all be gone so just take what you can and enjoy it..
[comments] => 5
[counter] => 148
[topic] => 21
[informant] => dylan14
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 5
[ratings] => 3
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => Lifepoems
)
take what you can by dylan kellogg
Contributed by
dylan14
on
Thursday, 18th August 2005 @ 01:55:46 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
some times you hate this world some times you love it but one day it will all be gone so just take what you can and enjoy it..
Copyright ©
dylan14
... [
2005-08-18 01:55:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: take what you can by dylan kellogg
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 18th August 2005 @ 02:46:29 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Hi dylan,
It's a great start and welcome.
huggs,
emy
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Re: take what you can by dylan kellogg
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Thursday, 18th August 2005 @ 08:21:30 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Sound bit of advice here, Dylan.....
Welcome to YPDC..
Jenni |
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Re: take what you can by dylan kellogg
(User Rating: 1 )
by JenJen on
Thursday, 18th August 2005 @ 11:15:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
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A great poem dylan
short but to the point
welcome to ypdc :)
Jenny
xxx |
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Re: take what you can by dylan kellogg
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Friday, 19th August 2005 @ 12:27:27 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hi Dylan, and welcome.
if you don't mind, I'll offer some comments that I wish I got when I was 14 yrs old.
If you structure the post like a poem it would look better eg
Sometimes you hate this world,
Some times you love it
But one day it will all be gone, so
Just take what you can
-and enjoy it.
All your thoughts and feelings are still there, but the (suggested) structure and delivery is what makes it a poem, and not just a statement or story.
There are all kinds of poetry styles, including classical, modern, rhyming, open verse. Do a bit of reading about it, have a look at other poems on the site and keep writing and experimenting. Good luck,
Spike |
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