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Enemy
Contributed by
SirensLight
on
Thursday, 11th August 2005 @ 12:06:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
When your body fails you and you fall to your knees
Cry out to the Unseen and let him feel you as you beg for the mercy of a different time
Let your tears fall like the rain as you reach out your hands for him to pick you up again bearing your load upon his back
Thank him once again for all that he has done
Hear his voice rumbling in your mind
Feel his love for you pumping through your veins
Understand his grace and compassion as he once again saves you from your worst enemy.......
Yourself.
Copyright ©
SirensLight
... [
2005-08-11 12:06:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Enemy
(User Rating: 1 )
by faerie on
Thursday, 11th August 2005 @ 12:15:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| You definitly have a lot of detail in your poem, which is good, but your poem also made me think of a dew questions. Such as, what was the purpose of this poem? Are you trying to express grief or are you just telling a moral story. Some of the words are a bit confusing, usage wise I mean such as let in the 3rd line approximately. I think you're a good story teller, but this poem just doesn't speak to me, it's easy to see images in my head, but not real emotion. Maybe next time you could incorporate some symbolism? |
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Re: Enemy
(User Rating: 1 )
by faerie on
Thursday, 11th August 2005 @ 12:16:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| You definitly have a lot of detail in your poem, which is good, but your poem also made me think of a few questions. Such as, what was the purpose of this poem? Are you trying to express grief or are you just telling a moral story. Some of the words are a bit confusing, usage wise I mean such as let in the 3rd line approximately. I think you're a good story teller, but this poem just doesn't speak to me, it's easy to see images in my head, but not real emotion. Maybe next time you could incorporate some symbolism? |
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Re: Enemy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Thursday, 11th August 2005 @ 12:23:23 PM AEST
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| Very cool. This is the third self reflection poem that I have read and they are all good. This one because it tell us straight out what we have to deal with everyday. |
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Re: Enemy
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard2 on
Thursday, 11th August 2005 @ 12:34:25 PM AEST
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| Very profound and a poem with truth. our worst enemy is reall ourself. top marks from bernard |
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Re: Enemy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Froggy on
Wednesday, 27th December 2006 @ 10:24:51 PM AEST
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| Great write Katie....I hope your life is leading you in the right direction...i never did get to apologize to you...and thought it's late....I can't say enough to erase the past..but a past is mearly that a past you learn from your mistakes, and carry on knowing your a better person.... |
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