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Array ( [sid] => 102273 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The paranoia is the worst bit! [time] => 2005-07-29 20:42:53 [hometext] => As twisted as this is, it's also true. If you read this, please care to comment! [bodytext] => Isolated feelings,
Pulled me to the gin.
And then onward into the pain,
Of slashing my healing skin.

The anger spurted quickly,
Pouring into hate.
Pouring every where,
Pouring into fate.

… And I ended up in hospital,
Seeing demons every care.
And nothing seemed real,
‘Coz no one seemed to care.

And then they called security down,
‘Cuz I tried to run and escape.
And I think I lashed out some how,
‘Cuz they were around me and I couldn’t think straight.

… And then they got the police involved,
Who decided hand-cuffed me.
Their faces were blurry and their hands were cold,
And I went crazy, and struggled and screamed.

They detained me in a cell.
For 12 long and hard hours.
I was drowsy and dizzy and ill.
And I felt like some stupid coward.

Then 3 doctors saw me.
And the impact of FAILURE began to hit.
And all I could to do cry.
For failing to finish it!

Then they put me back in my cell,
And later one came to see me.
He said they were gonna lock me up,
But now they’d decided to ‘leave me’.

So my daddy came to the station,
And drove me back home.
Where in rushed upstairs.
And broke inside my room.

3 days have passed now.
And I’m just completely numb.
I don’t know what to do.
And I’ve hardly eaten in months.

And yesterday this doctor saw me,
And said he’ll refer me to a mental-health place.
And I’ve got a meeting there next week,
So I have to hang on with out any haste.

… And I just looked on through him.
I CAN’T cope living like this.
The insecurities are eating me.
And the paranoia is the worst bit!
[comments] => 5 [counter] => 242 [topic] => 61 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )

The paranoia is the worst bit!

Contributed by deathdrop on Friday, 29th July 2005 @ 08:42:53 PM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles

Isolated feelings,
Pulled me to the gin.
And then onward into the pain,
Of slashing my healing skin.

The anger spurted quickly,
Pouring into hate.
Pouring every where,
Pouring into fate.

… And I ended up in hospital,
Seeing demons every care.
And nothing seemed real,
‘Coz no one seemed to care.

And then they called security down,
‘Cuz I tried to run and escape.
And I think I lashed out some how,
‘Cuz they were around me and I couldn’t think straight.

… And then they got the police involved,
Who decided hand-cuffed me.
Their faces were blurry and their hands were cold,
And I went crazy, and struggled and screamed.

They detained me in a cell.
For 12 long and hard hours.
I was drowsy and dizzy and ill.
And I felt like some stupid coward.

Then 3 doctors saw me.
And the impact of FAILURE began to hit.
And all I could to do cry.
For failing to finish it!

Then they put me back in my cell,
And later one came to see me.
He said they were gonna lock me up,
But now they’d decided to ‘leave me’.

So my daddy came to the station,
And drove me back home.
Where in rushed upstairs.
And broke inside my room.

3 days have passed now.
And I’m just completely numb.
I don’t know what to do.
And I’ve hardly eaten in months.

And yesterday this doctor saw me,
And said he’ll refer me to a mental-health place.
And I’ve got a meeting there next week,
So I have to hang on with out any haste.

… And I just looked on through him.
I CAN’T cope living like this.
The insecurities are eating me.
And the paranoia is the worst bit!

Copyright Â© deathdrop ... [ 2005-07-29 20:42:53]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The paranoia is the worst bit! (User Rating: 1 )
by je2ica3 on Friday, 29th July 2005 @ 10:26:00 PM AEST
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i loved it good write

Re: The paranoia is the worst bit! (User Rating: 1 )
by Kie-Kie on Friday, 29th July 2005 @ 11:13:23 PM AEST
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The poem itself was wonderful... but the inspiration behind it...

Just let me know if you need someone ok?

I've done the same, ended up in the hospital twice... please... listen to me when I say it's not worth it... you've got friends out there...

Love ya,
~Kiela~

Re: The paranoia is the worst bit! (User Rating: 1 )
by HOPE4ME2 on Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 02:03:23 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I can sure tell this write came from the core of your being, a lot of self torture going on inside. Please hold on to hope, anything beats paranoia, Keep writing

Blessings
HOPE4ME2

Re: The paranoia is the worst bit! (User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 01:03:45 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I know it's hard, but you've just got to learn to breathe again. I almost fell into the same kind of self-made trap, but luckily I figured out a couple of ways that I could use to move on.

You can always pm me.

Love and peace,

Chelsea

Re: The paranoia is the worst bit! (User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 02:31:17 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Atleast you are still writing. I remember when I first read one of your poems. I actually thought you were a guy until I went to your home screen. Life is tough I will not deny that but if you don't give up, things will work out. I know it does not feel like that right now. Often the road to recovery is filles with miles of darkness. At the end is a light that is the joy of life. Don't give up before you make it there.,

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