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Array
(
[sid] => 102220
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I Chose to Wait
[time] => 2005-07-28 21:50:06
[hometext] => My past suffering with the volume turned up at full blast. HatchetGirl, I know you relate...
[bodytext] => Darkness envelopes me I am lost in the cruel sea This is no ordinary sea, but the one of my memories I worked so hard to make those two years seem like a dream But when they hit the cruel blade of reality the blood of my heart spills into the sea Raging and hurting, I claw at the walls right by my bed No one was there to hold me when I cried and wished myself dead My diary falls to the floor, its pages soiled with the angry scribbled writing and I wail and I howl In the shower I scrub my skin raw until I bleed onto the bathroom towels Suffering that can never be erased You can never wipe away all those days in the hall when my throat shriveled and my heart raced I am dragged back in that old hell The place of which to my parents I could never tell They didn’t believe me then and they wouldn’t believe me now All I can think of is how did I survive? How?! Not by an outside force, but by my own hand Everyday inside my head I would rant 'It isn’t fair! Why can they hurt me like this?' 'The moment I fight back I’ll get sent to the **** dean’s office!' Everyday I struggled and every night I cried When J.K. Rowling came out oh how I wished for a ticket for the Hogwarts Express ride Anything to get me out of the hole inside I hide I got pushed down the stairs Bullets and knives filled my nightmares Life wasn’t worth living at the time Suicide was a sin so I just had to hope things would turn out fine I got pushed down the stairs I feared those ******** would sheer my precious locks of hair I got kicked and I got punched I always sat alone at lunch The bus was terrible but gym was the worst I felt as if my life had been cursed My head slammed into lockers Picked on and made fun of by all the preps and populars I was nothing, I was scum And now look at what I’ve become I’m on top of the world People ask permission to touch my glorious curls All my fashion ideas are copied by the popular girls My best friends are most the popular in school And I am their leader, the definition of cool The center of gossip, the queen of cute Adored and sought after by the same people who beat me up to boot I rose above those sheep Never again must I be invisible or creep I can sleep again without having to worry about the next day All because I tossed aside death and chose instead to wait [comments] => 4 [counter] => 161 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Kitty06 [notes] => Edited due to the use of a banned word. - Moderator_16 [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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