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Array ( [sid] => 101375 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Crimson River [time] => 2005-07-16 16:17:43 [hometext] => [bodytext] => This crimson river
Was made because of you
I took the knife and made a sliver
To see the wonderful view

Of my blood pouring out of my vein
To make my worries go away
And to feel the pain
But the pain always comes back the next day

Sometimes worse than before
But that just makes me
Want to add more
Cuts on my arm and not want to be

Living anymore
I just want to slit my throat
And drop onto the floor
With a note

That’s written in all I’ve bled
From all the times I’ve slit my wrists
I just wanted to be dead
But I just made fists

To try to make it through
This horrible life
I tried so hard but you
Just made me want to pick up a knife

So I think I’ve had enough of this
And im saying goodbye
To this world cause I know you wont miss
Me when I die [comments] => 2 [counter] => 164 [topic] => 13 [informant] => xxSuicidalChickxx [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Crimson River

Contributed by xxSuicidalChickxx on Saturday, 16th July 2005 @ 04:17:43 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

This crimson river
Was made because of you
I took the knife and made a sliver
To see the wonderful view

Of my blood pouring out of my vein
To make my worries go away
And to feel the pain
But the pain always comes back the next day

Sometimes worse than before
But that just makes me
Want to add more
Cuts on my arm and not want to be

Living anymore
I just want to slit my throat
And drop onto the floor
With a note

That’s written in all I’ve bled
From all the times I’ve slit my wrists
I just wanted to be dead
But I just made fists

To try to make it through
This horrible life
I tried so hard but you
Just made me want to pick up a knife

So I think I’ve had enough of this
And im saying goodbye
To this world cause I know you wont miss
Me when I die

Copyright Â© xxSuicidalChickxx ... [ 2005-07-16 16:17:43]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Crimson River (User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on Saturday, 16th July 2005 @ 05:19:21 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Groovy write. ^^

Re: Crimson River (User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on Tuesday, 19th July 2005 @ 10:49:10 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

An excellent write. The first stanza is the most powerful part of the poem. 'This crimson river, Was made because of you, I took the knife and made a sliver, To see the wonderful view' The part in the poem when you write about the note sitting in your blood really captures the moment. Though I think the last stanza could use a little work, it usually doesn't flow well when you break up sentences. The last three lines are all one sentence. I suggest you reword them or change them entirely to maintain the rythm of the poem.

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