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Array
(
[sid] => 100433
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => zach
[time] => 2005-07-07 10:33:50
[hometext] => to a friend of mine i love you so much and you will never know....
[bodytext] => i don't understand sometimes why it is so hard to live with out you... you don't seem so great... with your skate board and that little smirk you give when you dont think something is funny but you roll with it any way... or that unforgetable laugh you have... the one when something is genuinely funny to you... no one can do it quite like you... it pains me to think that we were once so close and that at one time we would spend all day with eachother.... it hurts to think of those days when we would spend days at the park me you and our friends... but see i never cared that you never paid attention to me... or that you payed more attention to her... i didn't care.... then everything changed... you ignored us started distancing yourself from us... then not talking to us at all.... i still didn't seem to care even though i did miss you... and i did feel like i needed you... songs reminded me of you and instead of making me happy or sad they made me angry... angry at myself for allowing you to make that much of an impact on me... angry at the world for bringing you to me and then taking you away in an instant... angry at everyone that talked about you because i just wanted to forget.... then i admitted i was angry at you... angry that you took away everything... everything i seemed to care about everything that seemed to matter at that moment... you took away my heart... and you didn't seem to care and as time passed i didn't care... we didn't see you guys for a while and it started to feel like everything was ok that i would go on and live my life with out you... and for a moment that was ok... then her birthday ran around and you were there... i thought you would ignore me the way you always did but you didn't.... you were with me the whole night... i felt so comfortable with you... i felt whole with you, i felt safe.... you never knew this but i felt the most safe with you.... like nothing bad could happen.... i wished the party would never end.... but it did... and then we went back to the way it used to be not seeing eachother only on occasion and that was very rarely... i never told you this but you were the one that meant the most to me... even tho i tried to make it seem like he did.... you were the one that hurt me the most in the end... even though it seemed like you liked her more i knew, we both knew... you talked to her but not like you talked to me... you touched her face but not like you touched mine... you never hugged her like you hugged me.... you protected me.... you played with her but it was more intimate with me.... you don't know it but sometimes i go to a forgotten hill and think about you, your smile, your face your oh so loving embrace. i think of the times that you held me for no good reason, or the times you held me because i was hurting... i will never admit this to you but i love you... you are my heart... even if i never see you again i will always love you my heart will always be yours... your friend, secret love me
[comments] => 1
[counter] => 183
[topic] => 22
[informant] => eternityandaday4u
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 5
[ratings] => 1
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => LostLove
)
|
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