Array
(
[sid] => 186519
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Conditional Love
[time] => 2019-09-10 04:29:30
[hometext] => I wrote this while I was growing up as an attempt to heal the constant feeling of unworthiness and judgment that was always lingering around my enviornment.
[bodytext] => Withdrawn child,
anxious mind,
critical parents,
words unkind.
No love just to be.
You represent the family!
If you feel bad,
don`t let anyone see!
Don`t you dare embarrass me!
We were the perfect family,
or so it seemed outwardly.
Striving harder,
a little more,
maybe then,
I`ll get what I have been hungry for.
Flaws,
mistakes,
all they see.
I HATE imperfect me.
Little older,
still no love.
Offering my heart to be abused and used.
I deserve it!
Real love?
I`m not worth it!
Anything for someone to be near!
All my life it`s loud and clear.
Love is conditional,
it has to be earned.
Put yourself out there,
you`re going to get burned!
I long to let someone in,
I want to feel alive again.
[comments] => 4
[counter] => 131
[topic] => 32
[informant] => Flossy
[notes] => Edited for spelling, per member`s request ~ Moderator_18 September 10, 2019
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 0
[associated] =>
[topicname] => SadPoetry
)
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