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sitting here wondering what i did wrong in the past life... seems as though no matter how hard i try i can't stay happy... whats wrong with me... i have the love of my life, court. but i still feel useless... i'm not understanding these feelings at all... i just wished theyd' go away. i'm not misfortuned... and i'm not dying... so why do i feel so down all the time... it's as though i can't be happy... like i don't know how... when happy days do come my way they only last a couple mins... then there goes the saddness again... sometimes i think the world wasn't meant for me...i must have been a bad person in my past life... it seems like when bad turns to worse something else turns even worse... i've lost a total 11 friends from freak accidents, murder, and illness... ev'ry one of them i've admired as being well accomplished young ppl. my friend tom... i expected him to live forever...he was so young and already so successful... when i heard what had happended to him over the phone the next morning, i couldn't believe... i wouldn't believe... not till i went to his funeral and watched them lowering the casket... in a way now i still find it hard to believe he's gone... i keep asking myself why him... why not me instead... he had plans, he was brillant, he was guaranteed success... after his death i couldn't look at life the same way... i used to think life was a trophy... now i realize there is no such thing as life itself... just a part of ones imagination...

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