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I'm scared of a lot of things.
Mostly, afraid to let people in...
I'm ashamed.

I can't explain why
or how I got this way,
all I know is that everyday
I want to change.

But day to day
nothing seems to change,
it all stays the same.

Sure, the people,
the places,
circumstances,
and faces
add life to my days.
I can count on these things
to be different each
and every day.

What I want to know
is what I am
with out these things.
What do I do when
I've been stripped?

What do I do
when the friends I once called friends
are gone
and the places I've been
only remind me
of things gone wrong?
How do I cope when
faces and memories are only a blur
and I can't shape these
memory lapses
and blackouts into
lessons learned?

I always have so many questions
that I try and answer
in the middle of the night.
I sit awake thinking
and lay in bed tossing and turning.
I am disturbed in my soul
with no one to tell me
it will all be alright.

I look at other people's lives
while I sit on the sidelines
and wonder what they have that I don't.

I read my books that tell me I have value
and worth.
These words tell me not to compare myself
to anyone else on
earth.

There are people that tell me to get in the game
but honestly,
sometimes I don't want to play.

You may say,
what game?
Its called the game of life
and we are all in it, everyday.

We are racing to get to the end
and win.
We are racing
and chasing,
stepping on others,
reaching higher,
going faster,
and playing harder
to win the game.

So what will I get in the end,
a prize?
Or a life full of lies.
What joy is there in victory
if the journey is forgotten,
or destroyed.

This life, to me
is nothing more than
a contradiction.
Its democrats
against republicans.
Its Christians vs.
Jews.
Back vs. white...
Who is really right?
It doesn't matter anyway.
We just like to fight.

We are all on the same team
yet battling against each other.
We are supposed to be united under one
nation as sisters
and brothers.

How am I supposed to feel right
when everything around me is wrong?
Why should I feel good
while others are suffering
and can't get along?

The guilt is too much
at times, the burdens
too heavy.
When I think of the world
and how I am so small
I wonder how plain old me
can do anything at all.

My parents tell me
to hope.
While teachers tell me
to obey.
My peers tell me
to live as if this were my last day.

Friends tell me
to keep secrets
while others encourage me
to gossip.
I have an angel on one shoulder whispering
the truth
While the devil on my left side tells me
to lie.

With so many voices
to consider
How is it that some people
are sure of their own voice?

How can one say something is
always wrong or
always right?
What is right in your life
may be wrong for another.
Nothing is black
or white.

Well these are my thoughts
My fears
My questions

I like to question
everything.
I wish I feared
nothing.

Sometimes my thoughts are
an escape
when I have no other way out.

I dream big dreams
and I talk the talk
I am hoping for the day
when I learn to walk.

I am waiting for the sun to rise
inside of me
to lighten my dark shadows.
I'm praying for that day
when I won't be afraid.

This poem is Copyright © saralind21