Your Poetry Dot Com - Endless Road of Scars

i used to think it was funny
how i could destroy anyone i chose
but now the choice is not mine to make
and everyone i love is dying

ideas of love and sex
distorted by a monster
who seemed so frightening then
but now that i'm not so young
and not so small
i see him for what he is
a waste of flesh
too scared of rejection
to chase after grown men
so he took what he wanted
from a defenseless child
pathetic

what can i do?
this is the hell i designed
this is the path i've chosen
this is the endless road of scars

so many smiling serpents in the past
who hissed that they were my friends
but when the time was right
they struck like the snakes they were
and slithered away

so many lying *****
who swore their undying love
all the while sucking me dry
and sucking other things, other people
but the joke is on them
for every ex-girlfriend, without exception
is now a junkie or a whore
it makes me smile to see how many
promising lives i've wasted

but what can i do?
this hell is my design
this is the path that i have chosen
this is the endless road of scars

so young in years
yet, i feel so old
so much has happened
that cannot be put into mere words
so many ash-grey tapestries
layer the tomb of my life
so many cycles
of self-imposed annihilation
so many attempts to end this tome
so many pages left to go

i just want to go home

how will i know when i finally die
when i've never been sure that i was alive

rows of tombstones sprawl
through out the wasteland of my mind
each grave occupied
by a piece of myself
a part of everything i used to be
a part of myself that i can never get back
only visit infrequently
and laugh at the fact
that even i am not immune
to the shockwaves of destuction i emit

surely soon i will be ash

but, in the end, what can i do?
i designed this hell to torment others
yet i loved it so dearly
i moved right in
this is what my life amounts to
this is the endless road of scars

This poem is Copyright © Cancer