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Array ( [sid] => 92098 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => I'm for sale... [time] => 2005-04-24 11:01:12 [hometext] => I just want COMMENTS.. on how to improve my skills... Whay you liked or dislike... Basically anything.. Oh, and also please rate.... [bodytext] => A Broken Life For Lease
Availability Very Soon
Only Fourteen Years Old
Empty With Much Room

Past Tenant Very Quiet
A Hermit To The World
Would Best Suit Smoker
Preferably A Teenage Girl

The Broken Heart Was Fixed
Still Remains A Small Leak
A Perfect Fixer Upper
Its Very Big But Bleak

Isolated From The Real World
In A Place Reasonably Remote
Takes Many Dreams To Get There
You Cant Reach It By Car or Boat

Comes With Its Own Broken Wishes
A Huge Pool Of Crimson Tears
Contains Many Cuts And Bruises
Obtained Over Many Years

Massive Brick Built Wall
To Keep You Safe From Love
A One Way Easy Stairway
To A Happy Place Above

Applicants Suited Should Be Alone
With No-one That Actually Cares
Perfectly Suited To A Loner
Who Has Things They Cant Share

Renovated Many A Times
Yet Still Broken Beyond Repair
Contains Walls Built So Very Strong
Suits A Person Who Wasn't Treated Fair

All Welcome To Apply
To This Life Without Hope Or Love
Just Place All Your Applications
In The Mailbox To Up Above....
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 168 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Brandyx7 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

I'm for sale...

Contributed by Brandyx7 on Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 11:01:12 AM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

A Broken Life For Lease
Availability Very Soon
Only Fourteen Years Old
Empty With Much Room

Past Tenant Very Quiet
A Hermit To The World
Would Best Suit Smoker
Preferably A Teenage Girl

The Broken Heart Was Fixed
Still Remains A Small Leak
A Perfect Fixer Upper
Its Very Big But Bleak

Isolated From The Real World
In A Place Reasonably Remote
Takes Many Dreams To Get There
You Cant Reach It By Car or Boat

Comes With Its Own Broken Wishes
A Huge Pool Of Crimson Tears
Contains Many Cuts And Bruises
Obtained Over Many Years

Massive Brick Built Wall
To Keep You Safe From Love
A One Way Easy Stairway
To A Happy Place Above

Applicants Suited Should Be Alone
With No-one That Actually Cares
Perfectly Suited To A Loner
Who Has Things They Cant Share

Renovated Many A Times
Yet Still Broken Beyond Repair
Contains Walls Built So Very Strong
Suits A Person Who Wasn't Treated Fair

All Welcome To Apply
To This Life Without Hope Or Love
Just Place All Your Applications
In The Mailbox To Up Above....

Copyright © Brandyx7 ... [ 2005-04-24 11:01:12]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: I'm for sale... (User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 11:02:27 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

good write, but I think the capitals on every world spoil it

pix xx

Re: I'm for sale... (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 11:30:29 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Actually the punctuation really does not matter, but I like to use capital words in angry poems, it is just something that I do. Anyway I do not think you need to improve anything, your poem is nice and switched off into stanzas, and you have excellent rhyming technique, but remember poems do not need to rhyme all the time, just remember that the poem needs to go together with the words you are using, remember it might sound good to you, but it also might sound wierd to another person, and plus your poem got the rating of SLipSiX. and that is a very good poem, most poems do not get it, but a few of them that are writin actually do, only poems I think are the best get this rating, anyway good write, awesome poem, excellent words, keep on writing, From Phil. SLipSiX.

Re: I'm for sale... (User Rating: 1 )
by B-Randy on Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 01:32:44 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Excellent poem!! Probably one of the more creative ones I've read today. Their is nothing wrong with your skills, but I do agree that all the capitalize letters make it a little harder for me to read. It's not that big of a deal though. :)

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