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Array
(
[sid] => 88388
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I Wake To Find
[time] => 2005-03-22 17:59:05
[hometext] => This is pretty much about my life and the way I view it...as sad and pathetic
[bodytext] => Before I drift to sleep, I think about my day. How I lied about my happiness, When all I wanted to do was fall away. I hate the fact they'll never know, About the dwelling sadness inside. But saying the truth reopens the wounds, And makes me run and hide. I hate them all, They tell me how to act and who to be. When they dont really give a damn, About the inner hurt that eats away at me. It kills me inside, To know there is no cure. To have to live your life, Constantly being unsure. I can never escape, The tortures deep within. This seething hatred haunting me, Laughing at the lines on my skin. The tears will always pour, My eyes will never dry. You can feed me pill after pill, And still I'll want to die. I have one too many screws loose, In this hellhole called my head. Im sure im not the only one, Who wishes I was dead. There's such an anger that resides, In the blackness of my soul. Constantly consuming me, Causing me to be unwhole. I have everything in life, Yet why am I so sad? Why the hell do I feel this way, Why does it hurt so bad? Im afraid I'll never be ok, And I'll never find the light. I know there's something wrong with me, I know that im not right. I hate waking each morning, Praying this life away. Contemplating the blade and blood, Asking myself if I should stay. I wish it wasnt all a dream, That none of this was real. I hate hating who I am, I loathe the way I feel. To feel like you're nothing, Except a waste of space. To be unsure if you belong, And wonder if you have a place. I struggle to find a purpose, But it's hard when you feel so much pain. I wish the scars were invisible, But I know I bear the stain. Im always fighting this battle, And I know that I will lose. I hate the fact the choice is mine, Life or death, I have to choose. Even though my secret's out, Im still ashamed of my arm. I still hate the way, I abuse myself through self-harm. Im aware its unhealthy, And I know its not good. But I cant stop, Even though I know I should. I think different thoughts, Then others normally do. All because of the way I feel, Which no one else has gone through. Im afraid I'll wake to find, That is Hell is all too real. Im afraid I'll wake to find, Cuts along my arm and the inability to feel. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 170 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Pats4eva7 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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