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Array
(
[sid] => 85248
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Yet Another Bitter Relationship Piece
[time] => 2005-02-22 00:57:51
[hometext] => I hardly consider myself
[bodytext] => Secretive little girl,
with stature of a graceful bier
barbarous with action
meticulous with intention
She is the cobblestone kickshaw
paved into backbiting stolidness
put together through the omnipotent hand
of Father Time
or perhaps Mother Consanguinity?
whichever it may be,
it no longer matters
there’s a secretive little girl,
at the most frontward point of the property
digging two graves.
[comments] => 7
[counter] => 242
[topic] => 65
[informant] => mypetmeatball
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 9
[ratings] => 2
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => toughstuff
)
Yet Another Bitter Relationship Piece
Contributed by
mypetmeatball
on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 12:57:51 AM in AEST
Topic:
toughstuff
|
Secretive little girl,
with stature of a graceful bier
barbarous with action
meticulous with intention
She is the cobblestone kickshaw
paved into backbiting stolidness
put together through the omnipotent hand
of Father Time
or perhaps Mother Consanguinity?
whichever it may be,
it no longer matters
there’s a secretive little girl,
at the most frontward point of the property
digging two graves.
Copyright ©
mypetmeatball
... [
2005-02-22 00:57:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Yet Another Bitter Relationship Piece
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:04:07 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| The title of this piece caught my eye, and after having read this, it's definately an interesting write. I certainly liked it though. I look forward to reading more from you in the future. And I really like your name. :-) |
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Re: Yet Another Bitter Relationship Piece
(User Rating: 1 )
by mypetmeatball on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:05:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| edit: "I hardly consider myself" is not part of the poem, is was meant as part of the description. Try to negate it, even though you probably already read the poem and placed it in there. :( |
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Re: Yet Another Bitter Relationship Piece
(User Rating: 1 )
by Live2Die on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:17:22 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I like this alot, especially your word choice. |
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Re: Yet Another Bitter Relationship Piece
(User Rating: 1 )
by Beniam on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 02:12:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Hopefully, to your gratification, I read it knowing that was your (authors) opinion, so it didn’t detract, I actually think it gave me a different level scope on the read. I did have to stop and think about it, which made the whole experience better. (This must sound weird) |
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Re: Yet Another Bitter Relationship Piece
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 03:41:07 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
It speaks of the best laid plans. I'm assuming the graves are representative of the pair in your ex-relationship. But, to assume . . .
Welcome to YPDC. |
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Re: Yet Another Bitter Relationship Piece
(User Rating: 1 )
by Scarlett on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 04:25:30 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
i agree with the person who said that the author's note didn't detract from the piece, i had to stop and think about it too but it didn't take anything away from the poem.
i liked the poem, liked that you don't use any rhyme. i always think the most emotive poems i've read haven't really had rhyme in them. last line was very powerful and effectively placed. also liked that you had me reaching for the dictionary. couldn't find "Consanguinity" though. what does it mean?
very enjoyable read. will keep my eye out for more from you. |
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Re: Yet Another Bitter Relationship Piece
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 12:50:15 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
*applauds*
What a terrific first post! Geesh - I'm glad you've found your way to YPDC if this is any indication of what you'll be offering up!
I like this a lot. Though, admittedly, I have a hang up with the word 'omnipotent'... it's one of those that makes me think the writer is trying to use "big words". Dunno--- it's probably just me, but I think I might have preferred another adjective there.
This is solid though... from opening to fabulous conclusion. Well done!
~SNM~ |
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