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Array ( [sid] => 84099 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Silence [time] => 2005-02-12 07:45:12 [hometext] => This one really isn't all that good but I am half asleep - comments, criticism welcomed - this is a good concept just poorly written....fix it [bodytext] => An innocent touch might speak the words I swallow,
Leave you wondering how I can bear this hollow
kind of life, when you have offered me your world.
And to reverse time, would it really matter?
Could I ever be the dream you were chasing after,
or just someone you would loathe, if this quiet rage unfurled.
This brazen silence is my gift to you but please don’t
paint me cold,
Had I met you prior to this lonely mile, I would have
taken you to have and to hold.
Real happiness is always a little too far out of my
reach.
I wish you an existence complimented by a pure, true
love
And the courage to move on forgetting who I was
But please don’t ever ask me to practice what I preach.
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 168 [topic] => 21 [informant] => juliETTE [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
Silence

Contributed by juliETTE on Saturday, 12th February 2005 @ 07:45:12 AM in AEST
Topic: Lifepoems



An innocent touch might speak the words I swallow,
Leave you wondering how I can bear this hollow
kind of life, when you have offered me your world.
And to reverse time, would it really matter?
Could I ever be the dream you were chasing after,
or just someone you would loathe, if this quiet rage unfurled.
This brazen silence is my gift to you but please don’t
paint me cold,
Had I met you prior to this lonely mile, I would have
taken you to have and to hold.
Real happiness is always a little too far out of my
reach.
I wish you an existence complimented by a pure, true
love
And the courage to move on forgetting who I was
But please don’t ever ask me to practice what I preach.




Copyright © juliETTE ... [ 2005-02-12 07:45:12]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Silence (User Rating: 1 )
by Rhymingron on Saturday, 12th February 2005 @ 07:56:09 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
I don't think it needs fixing. Good write.


Re: Silence (User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty_cat on Saturday, 12th February 2005 @ 08:31:01 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Nice work. I like this.


Re: Silence (User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on Saturday, 12th February 2005 @ 11:52:44 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
just some help with re-working it into stanzas:

An innocent touch might
Speak the words I swallow,
Leaving you wondering
How I can bear this hollow
Kind of life, when you have
Offered me your world.
And to reverse time,
Would it really matter?
Could I ever be the dream
You were chasing after,
Or just someone you would loathe,
If this quiet rage unfurled.

This brazen silence is my gift to you
but please don’t paint me cold,
Had I met you prior to this lonely mile,
I would have taken you to have and to hold.

Real happiness is always a little
Too far out of my reach.
I wish you an existence
Complimented by a pure, true love
And the courage to move on
Forgetting who I was

But please don’t ever ask me
To practice what I preach.

Very well written otherwise. I love the concept in this. Keep it up.




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