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Array ( [sid] => 76469 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Unpack your things [time] => 2004-12-19 15:20:28 [hometext] => my friend used this poem as a song for his band, and we re-wrote it a little to make it a song, so the words are a little messed up. [bodytext] => I cant open my eyes
I cannot believe
Your love must be a lie
Now you want to leave

Will you please unpack your things
Look at me, I know you want to stay
I can't fly away-you've clipped my wings
If you leave me now i wont live another day

My plea's couldn't convince you
So what can I do? I'll sit and wait
I want to tell you I need you
But I've waited too long-I fear it's too late

You can still unpack your things
And tell me you want to stay
I haven't flown away-I've clipped my own wings
Since you've left I havent lived one day

But I have ways to escape this pain
I drink and drink until I cant remember your name
Then I pass out until the morning comes
And I'll do it again until your gone

So please come home and unpack your things
And tell me this time you'll always stay
I'll never fly away-I'll keep clipping my wings
Because it'll hurt to much to live through another day [comments] => 2 [counter] => 181 [topic] => 22 [informant] => pleasure_is_pain103 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => LostLove )
Unpack your things

Contributed by pleasure_is_pain103 on Sunday, 19th December 2004 @ 03:20:28 PM in AEST
Topic: LostLove



I cant open my eyes
I cannot believe
Your love must be a lie
Now you want to leave

Will you please unpack your things
Look at me, I know you want to stay
I can't fly away-you've clipped my wings
If you leave me now i wont live another day

My plea's couldn't convince you
So what can I do? I'll sit and wait
I want to tell you I need you
But I've waited too long-I fear it's too late

You can still unpack your things
And tell me you want to stay
I haven't flown away-I've clipped my own wings
Since you've left I havent lived one day

But I have ways to escape this pain
I drink and drink until I cant remember your name
Then I pass out until the morning comes
And I'll do it again until your gone

So please come home and unpack your things
And tell me this time you'll always stay
I'll never fly away-I'll keep clipping my wings
Because it'll hurt to much to live through another day




Copyright © pleasure_is_pain103 ... [ 2004-12-19 15:20:28]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Unpack your things (User Rating: 1 )
by Jishes_4_ever on Sunday, 19th December 2004 @ 03:36:21 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
great write... enjoyed reading

hope to c more from u soon

Jishes


Re: Unpack your things (User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on Sunday, 19th December 2004 @ 04:15:51 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
I really like this. It's very good, the only think I would say though, is that halfways through it loses a little bit of the flow, I think probably because it was re-written? Like... in the 5th stanza, last line, maybe changing 'gone' to 'home' would make it flow better.

I hope that doesn't offend you. It is a great poem as it is, I'm just trying to help.

*hugs* Phil xxx




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