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Array
(
[sid] => 67227
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Absence of Silence
[time] => 2004-10-13 09:40:11
[hometext] => It took me a long time to finish this and I'm still not sure I like it, so any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.
[bodytext] => I smile to keep the tears at bay
I laugh to chase the fear away
And here I stand, just hoping you see
I'm perfect as I'll ever be
I'm falling, falling swiftly now
You cannot help me if you don't know how
So take it all and leave me here
I can fall apart later, dear
There's a broken mirror staring back at me
It cuts me till there's nothing left to bleed
So I'll try to be more dead and dying
Why can't you see me? --
I'm only hiding
The blood is flowing all around
They scream but I don't make a sound
So here I'll drown within the silence
And you won't notice my absence
It's crawling, crawling under my skin
It's taking apart my life from within
You are the thief inside my head
So all this pain lives on, unsaid
There's an empty face that haunts me in my dreams
To me it looks so different than it seems
Face the light but please don't ignore the dark
I know that it's bright --
But this is my heart
I'm sorry for the cracks
If I could, you know I'd take it back
And if it's not enough
... then it's not enough
I'm sorry for the flaws
But I'm trapped within these dirty walls
And if it's not enough
Then it's not enough
Is it okay to be who I am?
Don't pretend to smile
Is it okay to be what I want?
Don't pretend to smile
I'm holding in my hand what used to be my life, I'm --
(Falling, crawling, into the cracks in these dirty walls)
And it's not enough
[comments] => 17
[counter] => 740
[topic] => 61
[informant] => MoonlitAngel
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 21
[ratings] => 5
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => selfstruggles
)
Absence of Silence
Contributed by
MoonlitAngel
on
Wednesday, 13th October 2004 @ 09:40:11 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
I smile to keep the tears at bay
I laugh to chase the fear away
And here I stand, just hoping you see
I'm perfect as I'll ever be
I'm falling, falling swiftly now
You cannot help me if you don't know how
So take it all and leave me here
I can fall apart later, dear
There's a broken mirror staring back at me
It cuts me till there's nothing left to bleed
So I'll try to be more dead and dying
Why can't you see me? --
I'm only hiding
The blood is flowing all around
They scream but I don't make a sound
So here I'll drown within the silence
And you won't notice my absence
It's crawling, crawling under my skin
It's taking apart my life from within
You are the thief inside my head
So all this pain lives on, unsaid
There's an empty face that haunts me in my dreams
To me it looks so different than it seems
Face the light but please don't ignore the dark
I know that it's bright --
But this is my heart
I'm sorry for the cracks
If I could, you know I'd take it back
And if it's not enough
... then it's not enough
I'm sorry for the flaws
But I'm trapped within these dirty walls
And if it's not enough
Then it's not enough
Is it okay to be who I am?
Don't pretend to smile
Is it okay to be what I want?
Don't pretend to smile
I'm holding in my hand what used to be my life, I'm --
(Falling, crawling, into the cracks in these dirty walls)
And it's not enough
Copyright ©
MoonlitAngel
... [
2004-10-13 09:40:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cynthia on
Wednesday, 13th October 2004 @ 09:57:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Moonlit, this is such an emotional piece. I liked it. I wouldn't change it. *S* Cynthia |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheRaven on
Wednesday, 13th October 2004 @ 10:11:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Wow, Angel, great work. No criticism needed, just compliments. Awesome job, don't stop writing...and keep your chin up!
the raven |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 13th October 2004 @ 10:41:15 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
this is full of emotions a pained and a passionate write, no need for criticism from me,
pixie xx
great stuff |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Wednesday, 13th October 2004 @ 10:57:18 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Oh, I really like this---especially the last 2 stanzas. Such a feeling of something new just over the horizon. Of seeing the old clearly for what it really is and seeing the possibility of breaking forth into something else. Nice stuff.
Stitch |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 13th October 2004 @ 11:14:57 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Dee, this is excellent. It is very hard to reveal our true self. Yes, you do have the right to be who you are, that is what the universe wants. Yes, it is alright to be what you want, it is your life and you and only you should make those choices. We all have cracks and flaws. There is no mirror anywhere that any of us peer into that the image comes back as perfect. It is your life and your needs and your body and your choice to do what you want to do with it. Never let anyone hold you back.
Smiles,
Rita |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by afraid_of_fear on
Wednesday, 13th October 2004 @ 12:32:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
oh wow, yes, perfect. this is perfect. i absolutely love it. my new favourite.
charlotte x_x_x |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ronald on
Saturday, 16th October 2004 @ 03:38:08 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Hey, no amendments needed for this piece. It's nice if you leave it this way |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by eyesxcriedxout1989 on
Sunday, 17th October 2004 @ 04:10:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Wow, what an amazing poem...I thought it more of a song, but still this was amazing, brilliant job
Mason
P.S. I'm diggin the Avril pics |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Wednesday, 20th October 2004 @ 12:35:30 AM AEST
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a Message)
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heart touching.emotional..awesome and amazingly beautiful work..blessed be.:-)
venkat |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Black13 on
Thursday, 21st October 2004 @ 07:00:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Dee, I fail to offer up any critiscism and am not one capable of giving any after you write pieces like this.
(Been gone a long time)
It was beautiful as it always seems to be when it's your pain.
I don't know how you do it but it was awesome Dee. |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by bonita2689 on
Friday, 22nd October 2004 @ 01:16:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| This is so awesome! Great work! |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 29th October 2004 @ 03:43:52 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| brilliant and amazing write. i wouldnt change a thing in this either. =] |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 6th November 2004 @ 03:33:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
For some, it's never enough. For you I hope you can be happy just being yourself. You are a wonderful writer and have great talent.
Hang on Dee. |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 10:19:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Wow Moonlit, this is an amazingly good write. I can't understand why you don't like it... but I know...we are our worst critics..
Hugs
Jenni |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheReturnOfx7 on
Sunday, 9th January 2005 @ 09:23:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Dee...once again you've captured everything that is beautiful about you with this piece....;) |
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Friday, 11th March 2005 @ 08:23:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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"Face the light but please don't ignore the dark
I know that it's bright --
But this is my heart"
That's poetry... I absolutely adore this piece and it's almost solely for those lines right there. I can't express the love I have for the message that those few lines send.
"Is it okay to be who I am?
Don't pretend to smile
Is it okay to be what I want?
Don't pretend to smile
I'm holding in my hand what used to be my life, I'm --
(Falling, crawling, into the cracks in these dirty walls)
And it's not enough"
I felt like this on... wednesday I think... exactly like that... I can't believe how exquisitely you've described such a situation.
As for constructive criticism I think that the rhyming and rhythm of the first part of the piece is a little off, you know? But, sometimes it just has to be so.
Bravo, my dear. Brav-o.
Lots of love and peace be with you,
Chelsea
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Re: Absence of Silence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Saturday, 1st December 2007 @ 06:46:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Beautiful.
It's true, the meter was off, and the rhyming seemed a bit forced in the beginning, but the the words, the thoughts... pain consumed the poem, and it's beauty held it together. It is a rugged piece, but that's its beauty, and wisdom is found in even the way it was written.
Take care, and know that you can't be perfect, and anyone who asks you to sinks in their own misery, simply taking it out on you.
David |
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