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Array
(
[sid] => 61497
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Trying to stand.
[time] => 2004-08-26 16:24:51
[hometext] => It’s an unforgettable memory that will scar me for the rest of my life. I can’t believe things have got this bad… but they have and now I need to try to stand again, despite everything still being broken around me. Please comment and read this!
[bodytext] => This truth is stronger than before. Yet still I gotta build bridges when I’m feeling so sore. I self-injured again, what does that make me? I bruised my arm and made my wrist bleed… 2 months of quitting is now down the drain. And now here I stand, as a cutter again. And if Dr. Doe tries to put me in care I’ll kick him in the nuts. He doesn’t understand me! So I won’t give it up. My family don’t want me to go to the meeting so I said I wouldn’t go. Weather I want to or not, I don’t even know. I’m feeling a little better, to not still be in that cell. But I’m still breaking, and I think the others can tell… I’ve pumped my-self with sugar so I won’t still feel down. I’m still inside the pressure, despite the good around. My daddy cried, to see his little freaky girl in such doom. Then he said how much he loves me as we sat inside my bed room. I’ve never seen him cry before and it tore me up inside. He said he thought we were friends, and he doesn’t get why I want to die. I told him I didn’t want to die and that I hadn’t touched the roof. I said that I lost control of my-self, since that was the truth. What I didn’t say was that I was stopped before I got up 1 flight of stairs. That I HAD wanted to go on the roof and then pull my death more near. He said he wasn’t mad at me ‘coz I hadn’t done any thing wrong. But this madness has got to end, ‘coz it’s been happening for too long. … But I can’t control myself! When I loose my grip, And yesterday was another example of why my life is **. I don’t sit down at night and make plans for my next day. I don’t mean to loose my temper but people ***** with my brain… And that’s what people don’t understand, despite my efforts to explain. No one under-stands me or why I am this way… Yet they expect me to sit down and speak. But not release the words, “I don’t care ‘coz I’m a freak!” I broke up yesterday, and it really hurt! Sure, the police respected me but I still felt like dirt. Then the social worker was trying to make out I live in a broken home! So I blew my lid again and was left for hours on my own… [comments] => 4 [counter] => 152 [topic] => 32 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )
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