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Array
(
[sid] => 60806
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => ''ONE DAY I'LL END IT ALL''
[time] => 2004-08-20 12:13:02
[hometext] => It's just my truth.I'll die from suicide one day 'coz everything is spinning around me,and NO ONE even notices that i'm so raw!Apart from my family,who are so in denile that i'm this changed from what i used to be!
[bodytext] => i've lost all my feeling inside.
but i'm not quite ready to lay down and die.
instead i'm close to cutting again.
peeling off this happy mask to reveal this monster living with in.
i can't stay happy with all this going on around.
what do people exspect from me? i feel so down.
and no one's here to help me 'coz the just don't under stand.
and all the time i'm falling through this endless devils land!
i can't stand up there's nothing to grip,
So i'm gonna sit and, slit, until i find my kick...
hold me close please don't let me fall!
i'm crying alone as my self-harm calls.
but no one see's me on the floor,
they just examine my old and dusty coffin door.
then give me the lecture about how i mustn't go.
then tell me that i'm loved and inside me i know the truth.
what what do they do know?
they never notice when i break,
and if they do, their "helps" always too late.
and what they give out melts me more.
they don't live in me! they don't see i'm raw!
they say i do "crazy things", some even call me a FREAK!
and that really rots me down inside, forces more head to shreak!
but when i used to cut they'd just iggnore me.
too afraid to amit, what i was becomming.
well now i sit here, and they've all gone out.
out to go swimming, they've all left the house.
i didn't want to go with them. why should i?
they look at my scars, with disgust in their eyes!
if i was to cut right now, i know i wouldn't die!
instead they'd return, finding me still ALIVE!
so i won't cut! well, not just yet.
i'll give it a while, so their thoughts set.
and then they'll believe that i really have quit,
then they'll trust me, and let me down town (to slit).
but shhh! no one's, to tell them that bit!!!
i quit 2 months ago, and i'm not proud of it!
so i'll wait until the time comes, and then i'll break the veins on my wrists!!!!
because i can't take this no one, that i am inside.
and people are just breaking me, with their truth and their lies.
and all the while i'm falling, yet, no one even see's!
or maybe they're too scared, to even look at me.
only the girls in school see what i am! and they all stare at me!
slap me round the face! too often gob on me.
... that's what i've had to live with, and it's what makes me, me!
so don't you ***** stare at me!
don't you ***** dare call me CRAZY!!!!
why don't you live my life?
just to know what it's like!
just to know that you're mocked when you break!
just 'coz you're the fragile type!
just to go back and face it...!
EVERY THING YOU TRIED TO LEAVE BEHIND!
just to know you were stopped,
... from commiting SUICIDE!
just to know you hate your-self,
because you gave in.
... and you couldn't jump off of that roof!
so you went back under mental health again!!!
and when you were seen to, after spending hours in your cell,
you were only sent home! to face your mum, and your family as well!
well, i ain't been on a roof for a month,
and that's really done me in!
but i just can't go under mental health,
just not again!
because, i don't have the strength...
so instead i sit here writing,
letting my feelings out.
THIS IS NO SUICIDE NOTE!
it's just what i'm all about.
and i WILL die some day,
i just haven't planned which one.
I'M SICK OF PEOPLE CONTROLING MY BRAIN!
when my life just weighs a ton!
and then there's my family,
acting like every things fine,
only it'll never be perfect!
and i'll NEVER be alright!
that's why,
i need to take my life...
that's why,
i'm the cutting type!
... AND IT'S WHY!
i've a MUCKED up and TWISTED life!!!!!
[comments] => 5
[counter] => 161
[topic] => 36
[informant] => deathdrop
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 5
[ratings] => 1
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => Suicide
)
''ONE DAY I'LL END IT ALL''
Contributed by
deathdrop
on
Friday, 20th August 2004 @ 12:13:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
i've lost all my feeling inside.
but i'm not quite ready to lay down and die.
instead i'm close to cutting again.
peeling off this happy mask to reveal this monster living with in.
i can't stay happy with all this going on around.
what do people exspect from me? i feel so down.
and no one's here to help me 'coz the just don't under stand.
and all the time i'm falling through this endless devils land!
i can't stand up there's nothing to grip,
So i'm gonna sit and, slit, until i find my kick...
hold me close please don't let me fall!
i'm crying alone as my self-harm calls.
but no one see's me on the floor,
they just examine my old and dusty coffin door.
then give me the lecture about how i mustn't go.
then tell me that i'm loved and inside me i know the truth.
what what do they do know?
they never notice when i break,
and if they do, their "helps" always too late.
and what they give out melts me more.
they don't live in me! they don't see i'm raw!
they say i do "crazy things", some even call me a FREAK!
and that really rots me down inside, forces more head to shreak!
but when i used to cut they'd just iggnore me.
too afraid to amit, what i was becomming.
well now i sit here, and they've all gone out.
out to go swimming, they've all left the house.
i didn't want to go with them. why should i?
they look at my scars, with disgust in their eyes!
if i was to cut right now, i know i wouldn't die!
instead they'd return, finding me still ALIVE!
so i won't cut! well, not just yet.
i'll give it a while, so their thoughts set.
and then they'll believe that i really have quit,
then they'll trust me, and let me down town (to slit).
but shhh! no one's, to tell them that bit!!!
i quit 2 months ago, and i'm not proud of it!
so i'll wait until the time comes, and then i'll break the veins on my wrists!!!!
because i can't take this no one, that i am inside.
and people are just breaking me, with their truth and their lies.
and all the while i'm falling, yet, no one even see's!
or maybe they're too scared, to even look at me.
only the girls in school see what i am! and they all stare at me!
slap me round the face! too often gob on me.
... that's what i've had to live with, and it's what makes me, me!
so don't you ***** stare at me!
don't you ***** dare call me CRAZY!!!!
why don't you live my life?
just to know what it's like!
just to know that you're mocked when you break!
just 'coz you're the fragile type!
just to go back and face it...!
EVERY THING YOU TRIED TO LEAVE BEHIND!
just to know you were stopped,
... from commiting SUICIDE!
just to know you hate your-self,
because you gave in.
... and you couldn't jump off of that roof!
so you went back under mental health again!!!
and when you were seen to, after spending hours in your cell,
you were only sent home! to face your mum, and your family as well!
well, i ain't been on a roof for a month,
and that's really done me in!
but i just can't go under mental health,
just not again!
because, i don't have the strength...
so instead i sit here writing,
letting my feelings out.
THIS IS NO SUICIDE NOTE!
it's just what i'm all about.
and i WILL die some day,
i just haven't planned which one.
I'M SICK OF PEOPLE CONTROLING MY BRAIN!
when my life just weighs a ton!
and then there's my family,
acting like every things fine,
only it'll never be perfect!
and i'll NEVER be alright!
that's why,
i need to take my life...
that's why,
i'm the cutting type!
... AND IT'S WHY!
i've a MUCKED up and TWISTED life!!!!!
Copyright ©
deathdrop
... [
2004-08-20 12:13:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: ''ONE DAY I'LL END IT ALL''
(User Rating: 1 )
by a_bear on
Friday, 20th August 2004 @ 12:30:19 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| one day I'll post a decent comment...one day. Till then all I can say is...Don't We all...great write. Keep at it. |
|
|
Re: ''ONE DAY I'LL END IT ALL''
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kindredblood_dragon on
Friday, 20th August 2004 @ 12:49:22 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I can see where you are coming from, I have been there and almost didnt come back from.
But I can say one thing and you may take it as which ever way you feel.
You control your life not your family not anyone, it is you that you answer too, its your body that you are tempted to wreck, and the scars are forever, both inner and outer, I have them and like you I write to keep the monster at bay, so Im glad you have found an outlet with your poetry, for if you were to go all the way, you would be missed severly, by us on this site.
Ive read your poems and they are bloody awesome, even this one flows with so much emotion, it left me, feeling as if I had been swept up within every word.
So Hopefully even you have a talent to mesmerize, just keep on writing and if you need someone to yell at or what ever Im here, and I think you will find others are the same.
Well I could go on and on, but best not, Just remeber there are people out there that care, so you try to take care and look after yourself.
Kindragon |
|
|
Re: ''ONE DAY I'LL END IT ALL''
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alina on
Friday, 20th August 2004 @ 02:38:23 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I don't know if you got my last comments on your last two recent poems..... but if you did I have no more need to explain. Read my last two comments and this will make sense..... I've been there before... but no longer do I feel pity for anyone like you or myself. Our feelings all depend on how we choose to let things effect us. No one can carry on as a coward. If they want understanding and exception.... then they also have to try. It is a two way street..... not everyone is always out to get you. you may be pist because of this comment.... but I only speak from experiences. If you need to talk I'm here. And read my other comments.... and maybe you'll understand where I'm coming from
ALINA |
|
|
Re: ''ONE DAY I'LL END IT ALL''
(User Rating: 1 )
by Aika on
Saturday, 21st August 2004 @ 01:49:09 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
oh my dear! wish this has never been truth.
No family, no one else is here to make you feel like this. They should not . It is your life, you live, please, look at those who cant´and would love to live.
You can choose your friends, you can´t choose your family. Unfortunately. BUt life is worth living!
With all my love, aika:-) |
|
|
Re: ''ONE DAY I'LL END IT ALL''
(User Rating: 1 )
by allymp on
Wednesday, 25th August 2004 @ 05:09:49 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Live is a precious thing, although i know it gets extremely hard sometimes. As you said in you poem "It will never be perfect." Well...thats true....but thats also what makes life so dear... It can be great but the imperfectness makes it an adventure. Don't take your life away... I understand that you're having a hard tuime, but, just keep faith...people care |
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