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Array
(
[sid] => 35967
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Fast Forward
[time] => 2004-02-23 10:23:06
[hometext] => This is to Maxwell Rossing, my best friend—your own words will forever be better than my attempt, but I shall try, for you deserve praise for what you've been through.
[bodytext] => “It was a day like any other, (‘til something got to me.) Was watching the dusty antique, our loyal old T.V. A rented movie, of my choice, was playing on the screen, When my mother came along, sitting on the sofa The screen blinked out—she’d hit the power On the old remote That didn’t matter—trouble happens (Taste mayhem table d’hotê) Pushing on the DVD’s silver, new commander She shut the whole darn thing right off With confident, quick candor The movie didn’t matter much, I couldn’t help but scoff I just sat there, staring at the woman I’d resided with since birth Attempting to repair the loss, the wrong remote in hand Yet thinking still that she was boss, and thinking “that was that” Watching it since who knows when yet forgetting it was silver Picking up the wrong remote, excluding the distinctive choice And suddenly I’m splitting from my voice I saw myself outside myself, gazing at the two Still fidgeting with the remote, the pity fills within Loved her and annoyed by her for longer than I knew Where would she be when I’d be gone, where would have she had been? Making these same old mistakes, “The TV remote’s silver” Without me to correct her she’ll repeat it ten times over ”Oh!” I leave her to peruse my life one day, When I’ll be home alone Where’ll she be when I must go away? (On the other side of the phone) Then one day, the receiver rings, and I’ll find no good byes She’ll have slept to never wake, and the grief wells in an eye Fingers pale in pallid grip, my nose won’t let me breathe The sound of sniffs and tortured gasps are echoed between heaves Upon the call, my sister knows, and crying fills the silence The two of us, two souls near bust, and all the teary violence Anguish has its hold on me, and lashes with no end (A faint remorse, a whispered sob, and heartache starts again; But the tears aren’t real, I’m not crying for her, these are things I won’t feel—yet) “S-She’ gone. Just like that.” “I k-know.” A long distance call for 2 and a half A dress with frillies A bed of cotton The white of lilies —and the coffin— Heads gaze on the floor, low, discreet Black and white attire for all People I don’t know, I greet I’ve seen them through a thousand falls My sister’s arms around Richard, Black dress on blanch’ed lips One on him and other clenched Exerting anger in her anguished grip The casket lowers, ashes to ashes Dust to dust, and kismet’s clout But I can’t cry— Just won’t come out. Parked car in the driveway, the silence shrieks her name Sitting there I know my life will never be the same Don’t want to move, just sitting there, Sitting still as stone; I’m in denial, “Didn’t love her that much.” (—Don’t want to be alone—) “She’s your mother, Max” (Good battles bad) Left lobe versus right But I feel nothing—not even tired The jetlag steals the night Emptiness is all I know, aching like an ulcer Where love for her was once filled me up There’s nothing but a void Familiar hands relieve encumbered No words were ever needed As cheek, caressing, on sore neck rests Two palms embrace my chest On my weary feet again Nothing needed, not a doubt I wrap my arms about my wife —And finally the tears come out— And it just ends there, I’m back again Cool, the wind blows My neck aches like the decade gone “Ah, here we go.” The TV blinks back into life And the menu scrolls the pages I rub my neck uncomfortably (—I’d swear I’d slept for ages—) Looking back, still feeling sore I gaze upon the screen once more The movie’s playing, sure enough, the introduction and the foreword The thing had started all over . . . . . . .. —I had to fast forward— [comments] => 4 [counter] => 355 [topic] => 55 [informant] => EternitysLyre [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => dedicatedpoems )
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