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Array
(
[sid] => 20642
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => Summer
[time] => 2003-07-18 21:05:00
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => When will this summer end? That it scratches at me and demands that I spend my days outside, I hate you for it. In the winter freezes, you can spend all day inside your home with no excuse. Summertime. I don't leave my house. Aching to get out but, scared to leave. Where in the world would I go? Every two days. It demands of me. Of my time. I still run on beaches. Sometimes I am happy, mostly I am aching. To the park, to moms, Nadia's a little tan. I'm as pale as a ghost. I put on my bikinis, I wish more people were looking but, I am constantly alone and never, ever available. I cheated on Jer relentlessly. And now that he is gone There is no one around. I am always looking, I want someone charming. Everywhere I go, I pray for a come on. I miss Jer but, he's still a jerk. I could have him, if I wanted him but, I don't. He is forever beneath me. Tomorrow is his weekend. Nothing to do. I crave freedom, for a moment but, when I get it I feel worse. I have no friends and this apartment makes me lonely for lost lovers. I stopped sleeping in my bed altogether. I don't go near it. It carries a plague. It reminds me of Sex. Will I ever have it again? Funny that summers used to be full of fun. Last summer was full of Sex. Last summer Nadia spent everyday outside by the pool. She swam then and she still swims now but, I never take her. I let my mom do it. I'm to sad to leave. I let my mom do everything. I am too sad for life. School starts soon enough. I'm scared to go back. People will never stop taking care of me, so what is the use in trying to make a way to take care of myself. I can't do this forever but, the summer The evil plague of a summer The sad feeling that summer will never be the same It holds me back and makes me sad. Lovers gone, Days lost, Time never spent away. summer. Crap summer. I hate you and I miss the way you used to be. I spit on the summer. Anyways I make all my best decisions in the fall. The answer will come but, not with the summer. [comments] => 0 [counter] => 147 [topic] => 48 [informant] => alisialynn [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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