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Array
(
[sid] => 19598
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => kindergarden killer
[time] => 2003-06-26 14:45:00
[hometext] => this poem was hard for me to write, its about the first time i tried to commit suicide, i was in kindergarden, i wasn't smart enogh to figure out how but i tried, i was kind of scared of this idea after this and i didn't try again until i was in 3rd grade... i think this is something i just had to get out... any comments are appreciated ~Apryl
[bodytext] => I woke up to the yelling of my father, Something about how I was a failure. he hit me, I still don’t know why, I just remember how he made me cry. As I got to school I tried to hide my tears, No one can know about this, not even my peers. I didn’t want to talk, I had nothing to say, I already knew this was a horrible day. But the horrors of the day didn’t stop there, Because right then I noticed my teachers glare. “Another F on a test, and no homework too, April what am I going to do with you?” But I tried to look strong tried to hide my sorrow, And sheepishly told her I would have my homework tomorrow. I couldn’t wait until blissful recess, But even that proved to be a mess. I just wanted to be alone with no one around, So I sat on the far edge of the playground. But for some reason the lunch lady came, And sweetly asked “what’s your name?” She made some other kids play with me, She thought that would make me happy, But I didn’t like those kids and their stupid game, Yet I played with them just the same. I ran and yelled and tried to have fun, In fact I fooled most everyone. And then I saw Stephanie there, She cried and said I didn’t play fair. Some words were exchanged and we got into a fight, And I pushed her down with all my might. And so I was in trouble because of Stephanie, But nothing happened to her, the principle lectured me. I sat in his office finally I was alone, And I stayed there all day till I went home. On the bus ride I thought what if I died, It was my first thought of suicide. I was the first one home my parents weren’t there, See I told u they really don’t care. The next thing I did was put a bag over my head, Chanting in my mind the word dead DEAD-DEAD-DEAD-DEAD-DEAD-DE-APRIL!!!!!!! She’s home – my mom – what would she say? If she saw me dead today? Why did I do this, I have to stop now, Must pretend I'm all right, must seem happy somehow Did she see me? does she know? I need to stop and think take it slow – And I yell up the stairs, Hey mom how was work? I don’t think she knows of these affairs, Or the pain that lurks. [comments] => 7 [counter] => 194 [topic] => 36 [informant] => hardcoreputa [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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