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(
[sid] => 178466
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => bloody loyal lonely warrior
[time] => 2014-06-03 22:24:24
[hometext] => ....an older poem, one of my personal favorites....
[bodytext] =>
hollow internally threaded within his heart;
grand the deeds they cannot die..
waiting the lapse of long centuries
to away smoothly downward upward
this floating; thru no fault of his own
death a breath away freely bleeding
the roadside hemorrhage so peaceful...
secrets forever dying within his own breast
holding claim as precious moments fly
inevitabley silently in tranquil repose
all he sees is a bright horizontal line
bisecting the sun he always so loved
equally the pain of leaving and staying
not moving.. quiet.. resting.. unruffled..
there was no melancholy for his fate
sweet song of birds becoming unhearable..
without having any land nor kingdom...
though the fires burned yet in the village
he felt foliage and earths warmth; essence
amidst the bitter beauty of sadness in
parting; bloody loyal lonely warrior:
as his flame expired calmly in a puff.
Copyright © ladyfawn 2002
[comments] => 17
[counter] => 1406
[topic] => 31
[informant] => ladyfawn
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => StoryPoetry
)
bloody loyal lonely warrior
Contributed by
ladyfawn
on
Tuesday, 3rd June 2014 @ 10:24:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
|
hollow internally threaded within his heart;
grand the deeds they cannot die..
waiting the lapse of long centuries
to away smoothly downward upward
this floating; thru no fault of his own
death a breath away freely bleeding
the roadside hemorrhage so peaceful...
secrets forever dying within his own breast
holding claim as precious moments fly
inevitabley silently in tranquil repose
all he sees is a bright horizontal line
bisecting the sun he always so loved
equally the pain of leaving and staying
not moving.. quiet.. resting.. unruffled..
there was no melancholy for his fate
sweet song of birds becoming unhearable..
without having any land nor kingdom...
though the fires burned yet in the village
he felt foliage and earths warmth; essence
amidst the bitter beauty of sadness in
parting; bloody loyal lonely warrior:
as his flame expired calmly in a puff.
Copyright © ladyfawn 2002
Copyright ©
ladyfawn
... [
2014-06-03 22:24:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by softerware on
Wednesday, 4th June 2014 @ 01:55:06 AM AEST
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At one time or another we are all part of this bloody loyal lonely warrior! The battle may be different, but the struggle is the same inside.
Took a second read to get the feel of the emotions..and I kept rooting for him to win the day..but that was not to be, this time!
An anti-hero of mighty proportions…Cervantes couldn't have described the eternal warrior any better than you have resurrected him!
Most enjoyable!
softerware |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Wednesday, 4th June 2014 @ 06:46:41 AM AEST
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I agree with softerware.....very well done. I especially like the rolling motion found here "leaving and staying not moving.. quiet.. resting.. unruffled.."
I slip that (I'm sure there is a term that I don't know) in my poems on occasion.
Great to read it!
Invierno
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by deusdeira on
Wednesday, 4th June 2014 @ 04:51:57 PM AEST
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| Stark beauty with an abstract twist. Loneliness gripped and caressed me. Beautiful. |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 4th June 2014 @ 05:04:28 PM AEST
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| Oh, that all warriors could die with such peace. His blood mingled with the earth, to the sound of fading birdsong. Failing beneath his own sun, and ready for Valhalla. |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 4th June 2014 @ 09:36:55 PM AEST
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I can see why it is one of your favorites! A sad beauty in his death. It sort of reminded me of an Indian talking and speaking of a circle of life, perhaps, as he becomes one with the earth again.
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy_dog_eyes on
Friday, 6th June 2014 @ 08:09:40 AM AEST
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Powerful write, I can see why it would be a favourite.
You pen with so eloquence, captivating those lucky enough to read what you have set down.
May you continue to write with such strength and passion.
Steve |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadreckoning1983 on
Saturday, 7th June 2014 @ 11:23:01 PM AEST
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Oh my, is this not a welcome surprise? ladyfawn it has been a long time since I posted anything, have you been on YPDC for a while, I cannot remember. anyway, this was a lovely write. I especially liked
equally the pain of leaving and staying
not moving.. quiet.. resting.. unruffled..
there was no melancholy for his fate
sweet song of birds becoming unhearable..
without having any land nor kingdom...
The images of a peaceful passing were conjured up. A regal man without regret or worry moving on to meet his destiny.
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by JackM on
Sunday, 8th June 2014 @ 07:35:20 AM AEST
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I hope this lonely warrior died fighting a great battle, and against a brave and feared enemy. Getting killed in a fight is a good way to check out, and being defeated by your Goliath, can be as satisfying as any victory. Winning plays second to slashing out from your gut, regardless of the conequences.
The warrior's path is quite lonely, and always bloody. Facing down the eyes of a kiiler feels better, than dying feels bad. |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by reprobate on
Sunday, 8th June 2014 @ 07:46:15 AM AEST
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Rimbaud has a piece of a soldier dying alone in the field and had he read this, I'm quite certain he would applaud the emoted warmth and yet sadness that this evokes. "Keep him warm..." He wrote. The imagery presented is identical and the frustrating ambiguity of passing is penned to an exactness that is astonishing! This, dearest nessa, is truly a masterpiece!
Thank you for sharing a favorite!!!
Sleep well, dear lady! ;-) |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by Flex4life13 on
Friday, 13th June 2014 @ 03:39:43 PM AEST
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| An internal struggle, boy how vexing this piece is! Absolutely beautiful :) |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by colinb on
Thursday, 3rd July 2014 @ 02:29:55 AM AEST
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| Excellent very powerful write |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by spud on
Thursday, 3rd July 2014 @ 07:58:35 AM AEST
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Hi Nessa,
Those who live by the sword, etc .......
but I guess this is the kind of death desired by any warrior, past or present - yielding to his kismet,
and then ......... peace.
Beautifully scripted.
T
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by weemick on
Friday, 4th July 2014 @ 06:13:39 PM AEST
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| Hi Nessa, A powerful and eloquent write from your pen. So eloquently and honourably you tell of the passing of this warrior. Would that he died on the field of battle, his enemies falling before his sword. I can easilly see how this could be a favourite of your writes. Oh warrior, join us In the halls of Valhallah, where we shall sing the stories of old, awaiting the final battle that Is to come. This write does stir my Imagination. Excellent penmanship Nessa. Oh Odin blow your horn and let battle commence. Have a good day....MIKE. |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cynthia on
Saturday, 5th July 2014 @ 09:08:55 PM AEST
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Nessa,
What an interesting piece of poetry. I truly enjoyed reading this. I've missed reading your writes. Well done my friend. :O) Keep up with the great work. Keep on penning. Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful talents with us. We all truly appreciate it.
~HUGS~
*S* Cynthia |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on
Sunday, 6th July 2014 @ 08:16:41 AM AEST
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quiet.. resting.. unruffled..
All old warriors wish for that moment
to be as such.....
great write. |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by RussellReinhardt on
Monday, 15th September 2014 @ 01:46:35 AM AEST
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Hi Nessa
I stumbled upon this one while browsing. Beautiful poem. Wanted to give a comment. Then found myself at a loss for words after reading all the comments posted. All I can say now is I agree with everyone. Great write. God bless
Greetings
Rus |
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Re: bloody loyal lonely warrior
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Saturday, 1st November 2014 @ 02:05:51 PM AEST
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Oh my, Nessa...I can understand how this is one of your favourites. So much of you went into this exceptional piece. A very moving, straight-from-the-heart, vivid write. Your language and metaphor usage is like scattered debris...Reconstructing your own personal tragedy.
Utterly breathtaking and soul wrenching.
~Scorp |
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