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Array
(
[sid] => 177514
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => My Life How It Sets
[time] => 2014-01-02 21:15:59
[hometext] => Written near the end of 2010. I'm 23 now. Happily married. A lot has changed.
[bodytext] => I’m five again the wind is blowing my hair around there are no worries here there is only day and night yes my parents are arguing but that’s the last thing on my mind I need only air and my sisters and my own sense of control to survive I’m nine again my curiosity leans toward new things I take my anger out on others to mask my true feelings I hate wearing glasses I love my friends at school they are my escape from the real life of my family that has started to unfurl I’m twelve again it’s been one year since my parents’ issues have completely settled in my head I don’t completely understand but it’s enough to make me hate my dad the same man who used to pick me up and walk me on the ceiling the same man who used to throw me on the bed as hard as he can hoping not to hurt me but I’d come back screaming, “again, daddy, again!” I’m thirteen again it’s amazing what one year can do to you my life is black and night and razors and fright I take my emotions out on myself I cut deeper and longer I don’t want any help people are scared of me looking back I’d be scared of me too but at thirteen there’s only so much you can do my pain went ignored I didn’t care I covered it up so no one would stare I didn’t mind talking about it I just didn’t want it said how’s that for a teen everyone thinks is ***** up in the head? I’m fifteen again a sophomore still have the same issues and doubt in the world smoking drinking and pot galore these are my new escapes among a few more I don’t care what’s happening around me I’m invincible as far as I can see my only weakness is my heart I try to push it all into art but it’s not enough I have the unstoppable urge to be touched my first true love broke my heart and left a deep dark ever growing mark I hated everything about me and I hated everyone else I devilled deeper and deeper in an attempt to distract myself I’m eighteen again the last couple of years were spent mainly alone with a sack of weed I’ve been living out of my car staying here and there to sleep I got my first job and my pockets are crammed with a few bucks I want nothing more than to leave and never come back once I start contemplating this very seriously I have my plan down and everything this guy comes out of no where and sweeps me off my feet I’ve known him forever we went to high school together he graduated one year before me and we went our own ways something brought us back together after that long year maybe it was fate? he took me in his arms and showed me that there’s something worth living for there’s always something more I’m twenty now I’m still with this guy who makes me breathless sometimes we work on cars together and play video games we pay our rent and whatever else needs to be we’ll take random vacations that last a few days at a time he holds me tight when I want to cry he’s just so wonderful he’s changed my life everything else here is okay too I haven’t cut myself in a couple of years I’m still known to chill and have a few beers all of the stuff I’ve been through is all in the past life’s just too short it goes by so fast so when I turn twenty one and every year after I’ll hold everything to heart and cherish it forever. acidicblasphemy, PLEASE: To help keep this site INTERACTIVE, please read and comment on at least 3 poems by our other authors for each one you submit. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 80 [topic] => 21 [informant] => acidicblasphemy [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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