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Array ( [sid] => 175087 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Mirrors [time] => 2013-02-10 13:08:07 [hometext] => its made bout regreting a previous mistake,both1st nd 3rd person is refered to me,lol not trying to sound all emotional or ask for sympathy,just wanted to take some strain off by writing, thank you so much for reading and id really appreciate feedback [: [bodytext] =>

never i want to meet eye to eye
looking up i see what i despise
nothing more ,its only rotting misery
i blink and my eyes are still open

crimson rain a blackened eclpise
hitting my head until forget
all the thoughts of you makes me cringe
hate lust and rage i continually inherit

i want to bleed out any hate that i may have
i want to rearrange the face that i see as dead
anything i saw you for is nothing to me now
i see a dead man in the middle of the crowd


your a part of me and im a part of you
one crash of thunder will carry us away
my shoulder shake,keeping hold of the blackened sheep
it takes possesion of all my strain
rivers of tears , cant wash away the pain

make a new tower
it is only built to collapse
just a memory i can never forget
i build everything that falls
and it never keeps its grip

the mirrored images i hate to see
if i break the glass
still im never free

leaving you will make me something
leaving me will make you nothing
either way ill never be sure
when its gone and how long i will hurt

can i crush the glass? will it set me free?
my freedom rest with memories buried [comments] => 2 [counter] => 106 [topic] => 13 [informant] => ijjj123 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
Mirrors

Contributed by ijjj123 on Sunday, 10th February 2013 @ 01:08:07 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry





never i want to meet eye to eye
looking up i see what i despise
nothing more ,its only rotting misery
i blink and my eyes are still open

crimson rain a blackened eclpise
hitting my head until forget
all the thoughts of you makes me cringe
hate lust and rage i continually inherit

i want to bleed out any hate that i may have
i want to rearrange the face that i see as dead
anything i saw you for is nothing to me now
i see a dead man in the middle of the crowd


your a part of me and im a part of you
one crash of thunder will carry us away
my shoulder shake,keeping hold of the blackened sheep
it takes possesion of all my strain
rivers of tears , cant wash away the pain

make a new tower
it is only built to collapse
just a memory i can never forget
i build everything that falls
and it never keeps its grip

the mirrored images i hate to see
if i break the glass
still im never free

leaving you will make me something
leaving me will make you nothing
either way ill never be sure
when its gone and how long i will hurt

can i crush the glass? will it set me free?
my freedom rest with memories buried




Copyright © ijjj123 ... [ 2013-02-10 13:08:07]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Mirrors (User Rating: 1 )
by Lee on Sunday, 10th February 2013 @ 09:37:43 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Great poem!
I really liked the lines
"leaving you will make me something
leaving me will make you nothing"
and
"make a new tower
It is only built to collapse"
Enjoyable read


Re: Mirrors (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Tuesday, 12th February 2013 @ 12:28:56 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Writing is always great therapy!

I really like the metaphors and strong images but I think you could improve on the spelling. I don't understand why now days people want to kill the poor little apostrophe that adds so much to proper spelling, correct word usage, and grammar.

For example, ill and cant are completely different words from I'll and can't. And in this context, your should be you're. Otherwise, good stuff.

Take care and keep writing. That's the most important thing.

 photo 1036153111_gif.gif
to YPDC.

Tim




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