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Array
(
[sid] => 173746
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Find me on the Rocks Below
[time] => 2012-09-04 03:48:03
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => Insecurities, we all have them One minute we are flying so high, The next we hit rock bottom But let me tell you where my insecurities were born Were my heart was torn And why I’m now left to mourn Insecurity number 1: trust For every relationship this is a must But how can he learn to trust society in this stage Every single time he has been let down while the battles wage Parents never there, always working day and night And all his inside darkness enveloped his light The amount of times he was cheated on, He thought it must be because he is never good enough Insecurity number 2: never being good enough From the start he had it so rough Since the night he watched his best friend get raped and beat And he never stopped them, now left feeling like a worthless piece of meat Not long after she committed suicide But it was not only her in that night that died The world watched as this kid died from the inside The tears flowed in his bed, hidden from the land He was too proud to ask society for a helping hand But then it all came to much, when he became the sole survivor of a car crash While two other of his good mates died in the smash As he sat in the car, now scrap metal and leather He realised this path he had taken had snapped him free of his tether So he turned away for some privacy, and bottled all the pain Always dead on the inside, but never letting his strength wane Until he got home, where he had a few hours of rest Before his dad got home, and created another test He was hit and he was beaten, by that drunken fool Most night coughing up enough blood to make a pool Every night he tried to kill himself and enter the next stage But as he raised the gun to his head, he always failed to change to the next page Insecurity number 3: too weak Even at my peak My tears still eventually leak Why am I so weak? Why can I not take this pain and forget? But its only half of it that you get. Like the time I found my aunty hanging by the neck, from the rope It seems the next world had been her only hope As I read the note that was clasped in her hand “***** you and everyone else in this land” It was traumatic, watching her face as she swung to me And being too lost in your lifeless eyes, to turn and flee Seeing you hanging there, lost in your own misery and pain I can’t help but wonder what it was that made you think there was nothing left in life to gain While I’m in this mood I’ll keep saying my tales That night as we walked for home drunk, pushing and shoving like normal males And bushy turned and pushed Fitzy onto the highway And that car, that nobody saw hit him, before driving away To the dog who drove, this hit and run You must live with the knowledge every day, so in the end what have you won? As we ran to Fitzy, too drunk to do anything but cry And all that Bushy could manage was “why?” His head was split, blood pooling out And for hour upon hour we waited for someone, but none were about It was just us and our brother, as we sat by his side As one after another we all tried and we tried You have no idea of some of the things I have seen, none at all Yet you’re the first to judge whenever I have a big fall Alcohol seemed like the biggest get away But it was the images and memories that did stay But as I took bottle and bottle, destroying my mind so I could forget myself I watched as everything went down, including my health I longed for that burn of vodka on my lips The burn that healed all my hearts tears and rips And I was forever searching to drink till I literally died So I drank myself into a stupor and cried and cried But you know, you can say I’m not the same anymore But would anyone be the same after what I saw It ripped away all the innocence I had inside, And made me want to run away and hide I was so depressed, so shocked, you have no idea But there are still so many stories you could hear Christmas eve of 2004, I was only eight Saw the world in through innocent eyes, thinking all was great Little old me watched my old man load himself with the drink And watched as the monster came, and the good began to sink As he swung me by the neck, hitting table after table Before tying rope around my chest, and hanging me from a cable As he swung his fist into me, as every bone broke And not one bystander lifted a finger to stop a stroke They just watched as I was put into intensive care And said ***** things like “oh we tried to get there” No one tried to help, not one ***** soul So you can now all get ***** in a pitiless hole You watched a tiny human, being slaughtered And you didn’t raise a finger, even when he was cornered Even when he lay unmoving, bones splintered through his skin You may not have been the main sinner, but you still did sin And what about that night when Hayley rang, screaming, begging for help The way you cried and wailed and yelped She drank so much, trying to dull the pain And smoked heavy, wishing for something to gain But of course her body was not used to this drug amount The way she convulsed, and stiffened and screamed She was going through the very middle of hell it seemed One minute she was lying against me, crying for the dead The next she was convulsing, coughing blood all over the bed I’ll never forget the piercing screams that signalled your final heart beat As I sat and I prayed to god, to treat you right when you meet Death seems to surround me; at every corner another friend is left to fall Who is next is unpredictable, it’s anyone’s call I am only sixteen, Yet I cannot take back what I have seen I have a way with words which makes you realise how I feel And its these words that have the potential to heal So what if I can’t do this anymore, if I have had enough Over the last few months, it has been so rough You can call me weak, or call me tough But still, enough is enough 3 nights I spent writing this, its pure emotion let go Because for now, this emotion is all I have to show I once was just like any other kid, naïve to the other side And it’s the memories I have, and the things I’ve seen that I can’t hide I have seen people kill themselves, and I could be blamed for some And most the time I couldn’t care what happens to me, I’m completely numb To those people who reckon I’m wasting the life I have got The ones who just judge, no matter what Read this and maybe you will grow the ***** up one day And maybe soon, if someone is different you won’t make them pay I have one last story to tell you tonight The one that affects me most, till I’m barely alight I was 6, I did not know what cancer meant My real mother, the one with which my time never got spent on She passed away, Paying the ultimate price that anyone could pay 7th July 2002, the day that was set to ruin my life The day my dad snapped, as to my neck he held the knife As I saw the madness in his eyes And I saw the fear and pain in all his eyes As he told me, no begged me he was sorry, he didn’t mean it Then the next night he kicked at me, and he hit It was like I was blamed for my mother’s passing And every bashing I made it through he just hated me for lasting As a little kid, begging for my life from my dad Does this make you upset, make you feel bad? Have you ever had it so tough that you were scared to come home? Wished he could run away and just free roam And never fear for his life while he slept or rested Every single aspect of this kid was singularly tested Now you know what I went through to get here But don’t think I write this for you to shed a tear This is an outlet, something to leave behind when I leave So you can patch my life together in a miserable weave If one night you find me, on the rocks below Just know this is how I felt my whole life, An impossible low [comments] => 1 [counter] => 172 [topic] => 13 [informant] => damian [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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