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Array
(
[sid] => 142111
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => the doctor said
[time] => 2008-05-03 16:51:21
[hometext] => none of it is true, honestly, I wouldn't lie
[bodytext] => Well, I guess I never was good at keeping friends. You can say generally everyone likes me, and I've met a million people. You know I spanked a few and a few choked me too. All in all, it was fun, but the fun went away. as the doc, would say "you are manic depressive- bi polar with little to no violent tendencies." then he says "You are border line junky and alcoholic, problem is you're not happy with anything, there for you haven't become addicted to anything other than self medicating." He told me I need to try meditating, some breathing exsercise, writting things down, hell in the back of my ear I heard him say try holding your breath 'til you sleep forever. And I think to myself, NO, No, no that won't make me happy either. So, I guess I never was good at talking to family, even though it's a nice little city. Atleast that's what I'm told. I guess I just don't believe when I say I love them, Reguardless, I do. You see my problem is the things they say don't fall on me as brave. Not saying I am brave,**** I'm border line narcesses, self medicating to induce post-birth enthusiesasm. My mother said "son if only you were like your father." my aunts say "you didn't get it from your mother." and my uncles say "boy what's wrong with you?" So one time I told them (I think it was at a funeral) where their kids said "Why does he always have to act suicidal?" And I think to myself NO, No,no that won't make me happy either. Therefor I guess I was always good at lying, not that I do, honest... honesty is the best policy to keep people at a safe distance. Sure I tell stories, and fables, and stretch the truth, but **** 80% is true and the other 20, well uses your imagination. For this gift of making something really simple into something so vague, you can't point to 2 from 1. I thank myself for the people who don't believe. Then I tell myself "they can't see you, not how you really feel." And I think to myself NO, No, no, this doesn't make me happy either. So, I return to my doctor and ask "Why am I this way?" and he says "do you want to be same?" "No, I supposed I don't, but why do I have to be so different?" I asked. And he said "Boy, if we didn't have people who wore their emotions on their sleaves, and felt as deeply as you do, we would have no art, no music, no life. we would be moving around in a stale atmosphere. Boy, how would you live then?" [comments] => 2 [counter] => 277 [topic] => 21 [informant] => rhei76 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 2 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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