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Array
(
[sid] => 125486
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Cancerous Freak
[time] => 2006-09-08 13:27:35
[hometext] => Written about cancer and what it did to my Mother. The recent loss of Timbro's sister, has brought some things to the surface.
[bodytext] =>
There she is laying
in that old iron frame
bed
corner of the living room
(she chose where her death was to be)
so much gloom it would
have been easy to
slice and dice it
into many shadowed pieces
{Some still remain}
Once a beautiful vibrant woman
classy lady
tall and slender
but strong as a man
hard work on the farm...made it so
Now she lies there,
helpless,
hopeless...
without strength
eyes black and sunken
skin a color I do not recognize...to be her
skin without elasticity
skin merely clinging to a skeleton
My Mother.
Yeah, I see her as a skeleton with skin
I can't erase the image from my mind
as hard as I try
It follows me everyday
bittersweet memories of her
Cancer literally ate her alive.
Delved in her brain like a deadly
beast.
(it had already invaded her lungs)
Killing cells....killing her.
Moaning days and nights in pain
{we all were}
the house was never the same
again
it reeked of cancer
(the smell of impending death
is sickening)
fourth of july
you were struggling... your
6 year old baby watching
fireworks outdoors
I saw the tears in your eyes
we left you inside
you were slowly dying
{we all were}
I wanted you to share it with us
Like you'd always shared everything
(but no more)
5 days later
I held your hand
as you took that last breath
rattle of death
Cheyne-Stoking
I tell you "I love you"
over
and over
and over
I cannot stop
holding you
loving
you
crying
your cancer made me bitter and hateful
it changed me forever
(at least when Dad passed I was young)
Here I am
just now a woman
my best friend is gone
my mother has died
in the most horrid way
{we all have}
slowly...painfully...degradingly
a part of me
went with her that day
the pain
lays heavy
like darkened clouds full of rain
I want to touch you
and let you drown me in your love
{we all do}
{we miss you}
I hate cancer
I'd kick it's ass if that was feasible
(the anger does not weaken)
It has touched me too closely
too intimately
Become a dirty word
in this language I speak
Cancerous freak
Don't screw
with me
8/29/06
Laura Horner
My pain, constant pain of my mother and her death by cancer.
RoseMarie Ann Heinz-Howell-Folta 07/09/82
I love you.
[comments] => 14
[counter] => 355
[topic] => 6
[informant] => deadheadpoet
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 30
[ratings] => 6
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => AngryPoetry
)
Cancerous Freak
Contributed by
deadheadpoet
on
Friday, 8th September 2006 @ 01:27:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
There she is laying
in that old iron frame
bed
corner of the living room
(she chose where her death was to be)
so much gloom it would
have been easy to
slice and dice it
into many shadowed pieces
{Some still remain}
Once a beautiful vibrant woman
classy lady
tall and slender
but strong as a man
hard work on the farm...made it so
Now she lies there,
helpless,
hopeless...
without strength
eyes black and sunken
skin a color I do not recognize...to be her
skin without elasticity
skin merely clinging to a skeleton
My Mother.
Yeah, I see her as a skeleton with skin
I can't erase the image from my mind
as hard as I try
It follows me everyday
bittersweet memories of her
Cancer literally ate her alive.
Delved in her brain like a deadly
beast.
(it had already invaded her lungs)
Killing cells....killing her.
Moaning days and nights in pain
{we all were}
the house was never the same
again
it reeked of cancer
(the smell of impending death
is sickening)
fourth of july
you were struggling... your
6 year old baby watching
fireworks outdoors
I saw the tears in your eyes
we left you inside
you were slowly dying
{we all were}
I wanted you to share it with us
Like you'd always shared everything
(but no more)
5 days later
I held your hand
as you took that last breath
rattle of death
Cheyne-Stoking
I tell you "I love you"
over
and over
and over
I cannot stop
holding you
loving
you
crying
your cancer made me bitter and hateful
it changed me forever
(at least when Dad passed I was young)
Here I am
just now a woman
my best friend is gone
my mother has died
in the most horrid way
{we all have}
slowly...painfully...degradingly
a part of me
went with her that day
the pain
lays heavy
like darkened clouds full of rain
I want to touch you
and let you drown me in your love
{we all do}
{we miss you}
I hate cancer
I'd kick it's ass if that was feasible
(the anger does not weaken)
It has touched me too closely
too intimately
Become a dirty word
in this language I speak
Cancerous freak
Don't screw
with me
8/29/06
Laura Horner
My pain, constant pain of my mother and her death by cancer.
RoseMarie Ann Heinz-Howell-Folta 07/09/82
I love you.
Copyright ©
deadheadpoet
... [
2006-09-08 13:27:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Friday, 8th September 2006 @ 06:00:34 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Laura , my words are left to the wind after reading this. Your voice and spirit so alive within each word. Such a horrific thing for your mother and yourself to go through.
hugssssssss
Michelle |
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 8th September 2006 @ 06:23:13 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
my dear friend .. I am so incredibly pained at reading this ..
I know of this intimately. I know how hateful cancer is ..
and that it wields a power none seem able to slay is
both frightening and enraging!! I feel ya
The repitition of those bracketed sentiments cut through
to my core sis. I share your torment, hun. And I hurt with
you. I'm so sorry you or anyone has to suffer watching
someone they love dearly, trying to fight this ..
[we all are]
*love and hugs*
~MG |
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 9th September 2006 @ 01:58:08 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
I am in humble awe of the power of this piece and the power of you in this piece. The emotions of hate (for the freak) and love for your mother combined to make this as moving a communication of tenderness tinged with anger that I can remember absorbing. My hate (for a curable, but for the profit, "incurable") rides with ya.
peace, Lady,
wabl
Ken |
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by BobbyZimmerman on
Saturday, 9th September 2006 @ 07:18:47 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I am speechless. This is one of the most powerful pieces I have ever read. Your description was so real it nearly moved me to tears...and you didn't fail to mention the often-omitted death everyone dies in this situation. Bravo! |
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by one-curly-fry on
Sunday, 10th September 2006 @ 07:35:36 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
I've, over the past 2 years, lost two people to cancer. The last was my Grandfather only a few months ago. For him, it was horribly long, slow and painful - very much how you described the situation you witnessed. I feel for you. I found your poem very powerful.
- Tim |
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Monday, 11th September 2006 @ 12:19:56 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
There is so very much that I might say about this unbelievably moving piece....
... but nothing I say would ever do justice to what you have done here. I'll simply leave here, then, some of the many tears that this has prompted in hopes that they might somehow convey how very moved I am.
~Snem
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Monday, 11th September 2006 @ 06:28:20 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Laura, this is a very powerful emotional heart felt poem. The imagery and verbage is unique. The story and love for your mother is compelling. I can personally relate as I have had my own bout wih cancer, but doing ok.
Thak you for sharing this magnificant story,; in the format of a fantastic poem Well done my friend.
Will
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by ever1der on
Wednesday, 13th September 2006 @ 11:27:33 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I could see the images in my head...this was a fantastic write Laura..it made a lot of different thoughts come to the surface. |
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Friday, 15th September 2006 @ 05:52:23 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow, big poem. Major grief too, but your anger towards the personified disease is slowly moving you through it. It is a lousy way to die, and as your poem so eloquently states, Laura, it takes a part of us as well. I've lost family and friends to cancer and it's a shock feeling so helpless, so angry. Who would believe, they are the only cells in our body that don't wear out, the immortal cell. Well constructed; the reader can't help but be touched by this.
S |
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by Uncertain_Oblivion on
Tuesday, 19th September 2006 @ 02:12:45 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
I am so sorry for your loss. You did well in expressing yourself in this poem though. I know it must have been a hard one to write.
My love...Rhi |
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 23rd September 2006 @ 03:58:38 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
So this is where u ran off to girl.
I know the feelings as I lost both my parents to cancer.
The memory of my mom cancer ridden body use to haut me too but one night my mom woke me from a dead sleep and her soul lite up the room where I lay, she said "look at me I'm fine, I'm o.k." I suppose after that the ghost of her dieing with cancer left and I could see her as my guardian angel after that.
As my father lay dieing 25 years later with cancer I looked at him and said, "It want be long now till you have your wings and super natural powers." Now they watch over me and my seven other siblings together.
I know they both never leave me.
luv, huggs,
emy
Oh yea this is awesome writing. |
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by jyssvw22 on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 07:06:08 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
A loving tribute, powerfully delivered.
Beautiful piece
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 3rd October 2006 @ 05:09:22 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
I'm sorry laura....I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to watch this happen.
I'm not sure how I would handle it if this happened to my mother...You must have a great deal of integrity and compassion, and strength, to have respected her wishes to pass away in a familar environment as opposed to a hospital. It must have taken a lot of courage. I commend you for it.
Larkspur. |
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Re: Cancerous Freak
(User Rating: 1 )
by MisfitMe on
Saturday, 9th December 2006 @ 06:09:24 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow. It doesn't get much more powerful than that & I have to extol the virtues of what you have done here...I was actually able to partake of the depths delved into here w/o the interruption of deciphering the writers words & discernment of their meaning, as both were remarkably accessible & clear...all too painfully clear for you, I'm sure & for that I am very sorry....remarkable write!!!
~ May your soul feel the healing of this white light energy, "Poof!" |
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