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Array
(
[sid] => 115443
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Less Then An Ode
[time] => 2006-02-26 17:09:01
[hometext] => The life of one who made a bad choice and is asking forgiveness, and showing the hardships most don't see around her.
[bodytext] => Less Then An Ode To My Family So if you lied for attention just like me think where it’ll get you besides on your knees waking up to a sunrise with nothing but regret the time you regret when asking for love Am I mother, it could be I’m not insensitive nor am I mean I just long for something real take some upon me o’ please a mother who lies a father who yells a brother so gone a sister to tell to speak upon the only that truly loves me to tell her everything they do to hurt me conversation lies bare between him and I my father and I really have only space between us we’re never close or could he trust and my mother by this time is too messed up so tell me now what did you think that a wave of love a wave of hope a wave of laughter might just cure your moap I wonder sometimes what if I died instead of anyone else ‘cause when I wonder I don’t seem to cry not because I’m heartless not because I don’t care but maybe the fact no love fills this air so tell me o’ mommy what do you think of me am I still your angel, your little sweet pea and tell me dear daddy what do you hate about me is it that I was never what you wished me to be or could it be that in me it’s mommy you see when you left and we moved away you possibly let go of me for more then that day tell me please sissy why do you love me for you love him so strong as I doubt that very man above and tell me missing brother why did you leave is it that your honestly happy or you just couldn’t take it and too impaired to see was I always the that one day you hoped would break when my family said they cared I realize most the time it was the biggest fake so again to the reader just what did you think that life would be better if it was love to drink lied for attention I wanted them to care I lied to the people of a higher chair now things wont be the same ‘cause I’m still that lonely girl as I continue to write this, I really want to hurl I blame myself for never having the guts when talking to someone should have been a must I lost my brother I lost my friends I lost the love the things that should be there from beginning to end I just wanted attention I got it in a wrong way this time I never wanted to walk in too big of shoes soon he says I’ll be a memory my daddy you say what I wish would go away the things that break me down though instead I keep trying to fight this frown so tell me my reader is this too much dismay for your much smarter I must say you could still collapse your hands and begin to pray and tomorrow you can see only a brighter day my guilt my shame has got me good I wanted more love but what I got was less I could say sorry but it’s never enough to the people I once had trust though now my father seems to be right here I sit so out of bounds and this clock to my left starts a countdown until my world, he says, just falls apart when nothing will grab a hold of my tender heart this man he continues to tell me it’ll all crash down and down to the ground I’ll fall right down this room is getting darker a shade so close to me one I remember one that scares me when the thought of disapperence the thought of losing myself becomes a little stronger then the punch of Ali just tell me one thing where do I find a glove just right not too big not too tight a pair of gloves to fit just right where do I find love from someone to me tell me my split family is it not the same you look at me or will my heart skip those precious beats though it feels three times faster with each and every beat the tears are flowing I can’t seem to find the heat to the one that gave birth to me the one who will watch me cry constantly I still don’t know why we never got along I believe though we sang two different songs each with lyrics way beyond me so tell me my mommy what can’t you stand about me though the list might be easier then what you like about me we know you lie and we know you cry now how much vodka will it take to burn your throat and stop the cry you smoke too much you drink till the liquor is a part of you it is love you claim to have upon me but if you truly loved me why would the secrets be something I can’t see my parents must you see there is actually beauty in all life way behind the lies and cries far beyond the mourn when a loved one dies even beyond the hurt and shame this family is split enough daddy how much more do you need to see stop claiming you don’t care, and begin to shrug I’ll give you twenty seconds to reconsider this let go do you want me gone too you’ve lost a son a married life soon you’ll lose a daughter what will happen when the drugs are low the girlfriend is no longer that glow when you’ve got nothing left you heart will strike down and blow fuses here I continue to sit on the sidelines wondering what I did to vanish this love in me is it just me and I’m too blind to see may it be that even just I can see the rain coming down or that I manage to see the glory in every breakdown the love in my forgiveness seems something less then great to you this naive sense I have with too much hope I want to find a clear path to a new home so goodbye my daddy I hope you apologize and your son forgive you so goodbye my mommy I hope you become sober and strong enough to think o’ may I say this is really true hurt so goodbye my brother I hope you too find your way home I don’t blame you if you really don’t forgive daddy so goodbye my sister I hope you get as far as you can in life I also hope you understand I’m happy to have your love and goodbye my past I hope I’m stronger now and finding some hope I hope I ask for forgiveness I rely on finding the right words just to tell my family how sad it was for love to be dead so tell me my reader was it what you expected it to be a lack of love a lack of hope a love of forgiveness and still that lie doesn’t cure your mope this is my hurting apology this is my less then an ode to my family [comments] => 1 [counter] => 153 [topic] => 50 [informant] => Reese [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => ApologyPoetry )
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