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Array
(
[sid] => 108751
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Looking Back (The Confessions of The Lonely Man)
[time] => 2005-10-30 12:25:52
[hometext] => In my poem 'The Lonely Man', I depicted the lonely existance of a man. In truth, it is the result of choice rather than circumstance. Hence I would like to add a page to The Lonely Man's history. Looking back as it is. Wish us luck, The Lonely Man and I.
[bodytext] => I looked back to the days before wanting to call them my wasted years yet I know that this might not have been if those days I have never seen the love I chose to be my reason the lady that I never tried to know this mistake that I have chosen to placate my fear, my precious ego the friends I lost to time and season functionally ignored with strict indifference unanswered phonecalls, unreplied correspondence not wanting to care nor add my burdens the moments I stood behind my curtain holding back feelings and raw emotions leaving words unsaid, thoughts unspoken understanding unshared, intentions unbidden the time I spent in lonely requiem hiding behind intellectual passions buried within historic achievements counting past wrongs in quiet vengeance the family I kept at length, at bay those who have never given up on me who never knew my heart's mystery to whom I am still a stranger today the God to whom I forgo to defray obesiance in kind for His general benevolance Whose gifts has bestowed unto little me the benefit of such intelligence the darkness in which my days are spent the hopeless solitude of infinite chagrin the gloomy moments of unrequited dreams the lonely days when no one understands My heart is glad, those days are done though I find it hard to feel regrets for all that I was, am and have been are characterized by such vignettes I found myself within those days reminders of hope and love's refrain of kindness that melts the coldest heart a gentle succour in times of need I never believed within myself until those that do pointed out to me the embers of love that still survive within the blizzard that lie within I did not look for another day hope to me was a forgotten dream until I found that special way of a mother who still believes in her son faith was a crutch I used to stand propping up beliefs in fate and chance ashamed and in tears I was to find that Allah is always in my stead friends I found who stood the odds without benefit of my attention those who stood with me throughout just to see my smile's return Love was by me unappreciated calling it my "foolish reason" until I lost forever the lady that mattered I know now that love must be earned I stand now upon this treshold as I look back, quiet and humble of all my plans and careful choices in the hands of Allah lies my salvation. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 330 [topic] => 43 [informant] => Baronhawk [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )
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