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Array
(
[sid] => 102721
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => my situation
[time] => 2005-08-05 03:56:43
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => the months drip by seem longer than they are you'd think with the time that passes i'd be different, smarter but i'm not it seems i am still awkward around strangers i am still searching for a love though i've been alone for years the worst part is the pity i feel for myself sorrow because it never seems to end every couple of months i focus in on another older man i know i'll never go up to him and break the ice i simply gaze and wish as hard as i can that i will turn out happy my psychic friend has read me he said i will not turn out like a silly housewife who marries the rich man so she can have weekly manicures i stopped him here, he answered my one question that was my wish, not to turn out like the sort of women he reads every day he is the only one who can see inside me but he is not real, he is in an instant message and nowhere else my latest attention is on my uncle my sweet generous uncle only the stars know why he bears his terrible wife and mother-in-law he deserves better, but he still loves her so he does not divorce same as his sister, my mother she is married to an angry person, not violent but violence doesn't matter, it is the mental scarring that is what remains forever forever in myself and my sisters yet she does not divorce because she thinks we need his money and she still loves him she doesn't understand that money is irrelevant we are old enough now that it doesn't matter what happens but if she could have seen past the silly doubts she still hangs on to we would all be better off today but those are things i cannot change i focus now on my future i search not for riches, fame or perfection all i want is beautiful love and happiness i hope it's not too much to ask for [comments] => 0 [counter] => 194 [topic] => 61 [informant] => deepviolet [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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