Array ( [sid] => 186969 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Solemn Swearings [time] => 2020-05-08 20:37:42 [hometext] => [bodytext] => Truth in advertising brought a lot of firms to shame.
That’s why the things they tell us aren’t “fact” – they call them “claims”.

Carter’s Little Liver Pills did nothing for our liver.
And Geratol’s elixir was mostly alcohol and sugar.

Talcum powder kept us dry, thanks largely to asbestos.
The government had to intervene to take care of the rest, though.

The Marlboro man taught us to smoke.
Even doctors took a toke. Lung cancer killed a lot of folk.

The Kent “micronite” filter was asbestos mixed with cotton.
And we inhaled it thinking how much safer smoking’s gotten.

That soft “Corinthian leather” that Chrysler bragged about
was just a name that they made up, to sell more cars no doubt.

Volkswagen claimed their cars would not pollute, when in fact,
they lost 61 billion to The Clean Air Act.

Dannon said its yogurt would boost immunity.
They paid 45 million when a lawsuit came to be.

13 million dollars for false advertising.
Red Bull drinks told buyers their product gave us wings.

Airborn spray proclaimed that it could ward of colds and flu.
A 30 million dollar lawsuit found it was untrue.

60-year-old Twiggy appeared in Olay ads.
They airbrushed out her wrinkles. It didn’t work. Too bad.

Elantra and Tiberon inflated their horsepower.
Hyundai paid a whopping fine of 85 million dollars.
840 thousand owners all happily received
225 dollars each because they’d been deceived.

Equal sued Splenda for saying it’s made from sugar.
Equal won, but no one’s telling how much the lawsuit figured.

Wrigley claimed that Eclipse Gum’s ingredients killed germs.
Wrigley disagreed but paid 6 million in court terms.

Taco Bell used oat flour in their seasoned beef.
Oat flour’s not a “seasoning” claimed the lawsuit brief.
They won the suit and saved their loot, to their great relief.
Which means we’re getting oat flour with our taco beef.

If you want to buy her diamonds, they soon may be on sale.
150 stores are closing – Kay, Jared, and Zales.
If their prices seem alike the reason just may be
That jewelry giant Signa Jewelers is the owner of all three.

Campbells and Progresso; Kraft, Hellman’s and others
like Dixie Cup and Solo, have all sued one another!

Friendly competition has received the royal boot.
It’s not about the quality- it’s all about the loot!

[comments] => 7 [counter] => 122 [topic] => 21 [informant] => softerware [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems ) Your Poetry Dot Com - Solemn Swearings


Solemn Swearings
Date: Friday, 8th May 2020 @ 08:37:42 PM AEST
Topic: Sad Poetry

Contributed By: softerware
Truth in advertising brought a lot of firms to shame.
That’s why the things they tell us aren’t “fact” – they call them “claims”.

Carter’s Little Liver Pills did nothing for our liver.
And Geratol’s elixir was mostly alcohol and sugar.

Talcum powder kept us dry, thanks largely to asbestos.
The government had to intervene to take care of the rest, though.

The Marlboro man taught us to smoke.
Even doctors took a toke. Lung cancer killed a lot of folk.

The Kent “micronite” filter was asbestos mixed with cotton.
And we inhaled it thinking how much safer smoking’s gotten.

That soft “Corinthian leather” that Chrysler bragged about
was just a name that they made up, to sell more cars no doubt.

Volkswagen claimed their cars would not pollute, when in fact,
they lost 61 billion to The Clean Air Act.

Dannon said its yogurt would boost immunity.
They paid 45 million when a lawsuit came to be.

13 million dollars for false advertising.
Red Bull drinks told buyers their product gave us wings.

Airborn spray proclaimed that it could ward of colds and flu.
A 30 million dollar lawsuit found it was untrue.

60-year-old Twiggy appeared in Olay ads.
They airbrushed out her wrinkles. It didn’t work. Too bad.

Elantra and Tiberon inflated their horsepower.
Hyundai paid a whopping fine of 85 million dollars.
840 thousand owners all happily received
225 dollars each because they’d been deceived.

Equal sued Splenda for saying it’s made from sugar.
Equal won, but no one’s telling how much the lawsuit figured.

Wrigley claimed that Eclipse Gum’s ingredients killed germs.
Wrigley disagreed but paid 6 million in court terms.

Taco Bell used oat flour in their seasoned beef.
Oat flour’s not a “seasoning” claimed the lawsuit brief.
They won the suit and saved their loot, to their great relief.
Which means we’re getting oat flour with our taco beef.

If you want to buy her diamonds, they soon may be on sale.
150 stores are closing – Kay, Jared, and Zales.
If their prices seem alike the reason just may be
That jewelry giant Signa Jewelers is the owner of all three.

Campbells and Progresso; Kraft, Hellman’s and others
like Dixie Cup and Solo, have all sued one another!

Friendly competition has received the royal boot.
It’s not about the quality- it’s all about the loot!



This poem is Copyright © softerware


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